dark am i, yet lovely, a lily among thorns, majestic as stars in procession

dark am i, yet lovely, a lily among thorns, majestic as stars in procession
WHY DESTROY YOURSELF? WHY DIE BEFORE YOUR TIME? THE KEEPERS OF THE HOUSE TREMBLE. DESIRE IS NO LONGER STIRRED. DO NOT CONFORM ANY LONGER TO THE PATTERN OF THIS WORLD.

Friday 18 January 2019

Rescuing Bailey Clay



I dreamt I was bound to a rickety old chair, hands behind my back, restrained by my wrists and ankles. Before me lay the most ghastly scene. I was affronted by an expansive castle-like room of marble masonry. Centrepiece in this room was a king-size four poster bed draped in heavy red satin. The satin overlapped onto the floor all around. Four bright arc lights highlighted it, shining down onto the lustrous fabric from all sides. The radiance stung my eyes, making it difficult to see anything else in the lurking shadows. But I could see the film crew – shady characters poised behind tripod-mounted Panasonic video cameras, mixed in with a couple of sound guys with microphones. There was one man set apart, he looked like the man in charge, sat on a barstool overlooking proceedings. He wore an expensive-looking suit and he was smoking a cigarette. There was an undeniable wickedness emanating from his aura. His face was cold as stone, yet he sported a cruel grin of humour. He was young, and devilishly handsome. An agent of Satan.
            Next I noticed the wall behind the bed. It was wallpapered, but the wallpaper was amorphous, like shifting waxy sludge. It seemed to be both alive and rotting at the same time. There was a figure caught within its constantly reshuffling hues. The figure of a woman with a nest of snakes as hair. I recognised her with something like disappointing disdain. She had evolved from her human shape on the beach. She was now like more of a creature, closer to her true demon form. She seemed to be fighting to be freed from behind the wall itself, like an enraged prisoner within an abstract cell. It was phantasmagorical. I could hear her snarling and grunting like a beastly monster.
            There was an open doorway to the far right, swamped in windswept drapes. Beyond it lay a high balcony bathed in pearly moonlight.
            Lastly I noticed that the bed was not empty. Upon it lay a frail and exposed naked female form, huddled up in the foetal position.
            Bailey Clay.
            She looked drugged. I could sense she was drugged. Because she was well out of it, with no idea of her surroundings. She could never have fallen asleep with no clothes on in front of onlookers. She had no idea of her surroundings. Or her precarious predicament.
            My heart panged for her. I shook in my chair but it was nailed down and I couldn’t budge a muscle. I felt inclined to cover her nakedness with the satin and hide her body from all the vulgar perverts staring in her direction. Then I had a desire to keep her safe, because it dawned on me that she was in mortal danger. Something was going to happen, something terrible, but I didn’t know what. Whatever it was, I concluded that the man on the stool was going to stream it live on the dark web to an unknown debased audience. Hence the camera crew.
            I wasn’t ready for the depravity that was to come. I could only taste it from afar, but had no real stomach or appetite for it. It would be grossly offensive and ungodly. Not knowing was the worst thing. I just wanted to hold her in my arms and face whatever was coming together, at least. But I couldn’t, because I was strapped to a bleedin’ chair!
            Was this some kind of ritual? Were they summoning the demon from out of the wallpaper so it – she – could defile my Bailey? Or did the corrupt man on the barstool have his own plans for her?
            He introduced himself to me then. He stood up, walked over, and offered me a cigarette. I shook my head.
            “My name’s Samil,” he said. “I don’t believe we’ve had the pleasure of meeting before. You are Anton, correct?”
            I nodded. “You’re her ex-boyfriend, aren’t you?”
            “I was never her boyfriend. I fooled her. Cunned her. She’s nothing but an experiment to me. I refer to myself as her handler.”
            “What are you going to do to her?” I could barely constrain my anger. He had a face I wanted to punch. I was familiar with all the suffering he’d put her through. She’d told me just last night on the sofa drinking wine.
            “I’m undecided yet. I do what I want with her. I give her schizophrenia, you know. I induced it with psychotronic weapons.”
            “Psycho–what?”
            “Psychotronic weaponry. Mind weaponry. Brain manipulation weaponry. I had her chipped when she was a child. There’s an implant in her brain. I control her mind, I control her nervous system, I control her optic nerve, her ears, her emotions, everything. She’s nothing but a puppet. She belongs to me. I own her. She’s my slave. And she’ll never forget me, because I give her nightmares. The most explicit, grotesque nightmares.”
            “Why?”
            “Because I like to. Because I’m evil.”
            My will deflated. He had justified himself. In his own twisted mind, he was doing nothing wrong. Although there was something wrong – with him. He wasn’t right. He was disturbed. Although from his cool exterior, you never would have guessed. He looked just like any other government official.
            “That’s no excuse. She doesn’t deserve it. It’s not fair.”
            “Life isn’t fair, Anton. You of all people should know that. I’ve done my research, since you came into Bailey’s life. I know all about you. You can’t imagine the power I have over the general public. I’ve uncovered all there is to know. I know, for example, that you’re hurting.”
            “Leave my family out of this! And let her go! Pick on somebody your own size!”
            Samil chuckled. “I pick on who I like, and I like Bailey a great deal. You think you can steal her away from me? She’s mine.”
            “Nobody owns anybody. She’s not a commodity. She’s a human being!”
            “She’s government property.”
            “That’s nonsense.” I could already see that trying to bargain with this gentleman would be a waste of time. He couldn’t see beyond his own nose. “Nonsense,” I repeated. “You’ve got to leave her alone. You’ve got to let her get on with her own life.”
            “Her life is my business. I need people to test my technologies on. Long-term subjects. I was hoping you might understand, Anton.”
            “I don’t! Never! It’s wrong! Let her live!” 
            Just then my angel walked into the room, materialising out of thin air. It was the normal-looking bloke from my lucid dream after Lucid. Only this time he had wings. They sprouted off his back like a safeguard. They quivered with divine power. One flick of them would send Samil flying across the room. The camera crew backed away, leaving their stations. Samil retreated back towards his stool, nervous.
            “Get behind me, Satan,” the angel told him. Then he began to untie me. Within moments I was free. I thanked him and run towards the bed, crouching beside Bailey. I shook her, and she grimaced, slowly regaining her consciousness. I shook her again, harder. She opened her eyes and recognised me.
            “Anton,” she moaned. “What’s happening?”
            I wrapped her body up in the red satin and escorted her to her feet. The wallpaper behind the bed bulged outwardly in places, the snake-haired demon withinside protesting vehemently.
            The angel ushered us towards the doorway. Meanwhile, Samil went over to the wall and started pulling a claw out from the wallpaper. He was helping set the demon free. Bailey moved slow and clumsily and needed me to hold her upright. She was looking around the room with both trepidation and awe. I bundled her through the doorway and out onto the moon-soaked balcony beyond.
            We were met by a ferocious wind coming off the sea below. Roaring waves stretched from horizon to horizon.
            The angel protected us with his wings. “Jump,” he said. “Jesus will do the rest.”
            “What about that thing?” I asked. The demon was now free and in the room, looking our way and advancing forward. Samil cowered behind her like a coward behind his guard dog. Whether she wanted me or Bailey, I had no idea.
            “Let me handle this,” the angel said, and walked towards the demon. Cameras clattered the floor as they started fighting, rolling around and beating each other.
            I edged Bailey towards the precipice of the castle ledge. We both stared down into the depths of the raging sea with fear. “Are you ready,” I asked.
            She nodded bravely. We jumped as one, an awfully long drop down, and splashed into the water. We seemed to sink forever into its chilly clutches, finally rising to the surface and being thrown about by the current.
            “Bailey!” I shouted.
            “I’m here!” she shouted back.
            I swam to her and held her briefly. “Swim!” I said.
            We swam, but it felt like we weren’t getting anywhere. The waves were too strong. They rocked us to and fro like rubber ducks in a washing machine. We were losing stamina, and fast.
            “Look!” I said. “There’s a boat!”
            A small fisherman’s boat drew up alongside us. It was Jesus. He extended a long staff which we grabbed hold of and pulled us up into the boat, one at a time. We collapsed together once inside. I huddled Bailey for warmth, but there was a warmth coming off Christ, a fatherly warmth that promised comfort and healing. Doves circled overhead. Jesus opened his mouth to say something, but it was then that I woke up…

Wednesday 16 January 2019

Letter To Self



Okay Donnie, so you’re deliberating getting high again. Well, that may be custy while you are choking your chicken to porn until daft o’clock in the morning, but have you considered what happens on the comedown? If not, let me explain it to you. Well first, those pesky voices arise don’t they? Quiet at first, but ever gradually growing louder. Eventually it levels out at the screams and cries of your loved ones getting tortured in Hell. Not very enjoyable that, as I recall, is it? Especially when they are talking to you directly. Not exactly a day out in Blackpool, is it? Do I have to remind you how it makes you feel? Miserable, is what it makes you feel. Downright depressed. Downright downbeat. It deadens you, from the inside out. And then follow those frankly bizarre hallucinations, don’t they? But hey, if you think having spiders and rats crawl all over you a jolly good idea, then you run right ahead and get on it. I won’t stop you. I can’t stop you. And yet, at the same time, I’m the only one who can talk some sense into you. It wouldn’t be half as bad if you couldn’t feel the damn things, but you’re well experienced when it comes to bites and nibbles. Doesn’t get any easier though, does it, having them eat you alive? Having them piss and shit on you as well. And don’t forget the bigger things, the mutants, the things that defy the laws of nature. And they frickin’ talk, Donnie. They taunt you. All day long. And you can’t sleep it off, because you’re wired for days. All you can do is sit there and take it on the chin, staring into space. Pleasant? Enjoyable? I think not. Plus you lose your appetite and motivation, so there goes the gym and any public outings you had planned. Weigh it all up, lad. Is it worth it? Is it worth it? You let me know by your actions. If you decide to use, I figure you haven’t listened to me at all. If you stay clean and serene (we love that phrase, don’t we?), I guess I may finally have sunk some sense into you. By Christ, it’s taken long enough. Your decision though, mate. Your decision. Or is it? Maybe it’s all pre-ordained…