Okay then peeps! What’s happening today? Woz ap’nin peeps? Hey, incidentally, if you use the word peeps in real life then you just made my death list. Some jerkweed disc jockey used it earlier and sounded like a right dildo. Trying to get down with all this modern urban slang – give me a break. Well, I’ve got one word for all that, and it’s this – F**KOFF!
“Rolling fly” I can live with (that means driving a got-to-have-me motor). The word “sick” to describe something good I’m not so sure about. I find it funny and cool when others use it but I don’t think I would use it myself. When something is “the bomb” is okay too. That means it’s good or cool or the biz or whatever.
When in doubt, resort to Scouse English. Everyone knows Cockney rhyming slang so we don’t need to bother with that. You can make it up as you go along. Look, I’ll do it now. Let’s just say corned beef legs, for the sake of argument. Corned beef legs means mottled legs, but if I want to develop my own Cockney rhyming slang, I might say something like scabby teeth legs, because it rhymes with corned beef legs. Is that right? No, hang on. White as a Flashlight legs. Still not right is it. Harder than I thought. Bad example though. Let’s try something else.
How about hair? Right, here we go – funfair. Did you see the funfair on that? That’s rubbish I know but you see what I mean. We all know the common ones like Britney Spears (ears), boat race (face), and Ruby Murray (curry). The best one I heard was Phil Mitchell calling someone “brown bread” before I even knew what CRS was. I was like, WTF? It means dead.
Scouse English is even better, although its relation to Liverpool is questionable.
TWO BAGGER = A person so ugly you should put 2 bags over their head in case 1 falls off.
KNEE-TREMBLER = Sexual Intercourse while standing
TURNS LIKE A NORTH SEA FERRY = Slow and Clumsy
LARGE LOAF OF BREAD = Docker’s doorstep
BALD = Eggshell blond
DAISY CUTTER = Low football shot, pea roller
BUM FREEZER = Short jacket
Example = I heard Roger paid for a knee trembler off some eggshell blond two bagger last night behind Iceland bins.
There’re loads more here but I don’t want to give them all away! Look Scouse English up for yourself. I don’t need a search engine: I have a precious little paperback. So there. Ya fackin cant.
g And speaking of giving things away, piebald77 has been under scrutiny in regard to last year’s fiction. Having contributed myself, I was worried that my ideas and the ideas of people like Jamelia K and Sharon Hood might have been cast to the ether forever to be illegally reproduced or reprinted or whatever. But you know what, I have it on good authority that every author should have an online presence with samples of their works on, and blogs are better than static websites. Better yet, piebald77 no want your money. Just your occasional visits. Make DONNIE'S DUSTBIN a part of your day.
Yeah, so as I was saying, all the fiction from 2010 (DNMF), is here to stay on the blog. Rest assured, I have something special up my sleeve when it comes to publishing personal projects. There’s a helluva lot more where all that came from. The blog is just the tip of the iceberg. I have tried and tested, self-sustaining methods of producing entertaining (to us) writing. And I may have just stumbled upon some similar methods for producing art.
; Here’s to another hot one here in the north of England. June’s riding out. Kick back and enjoy it, homies. Scorchio!;