2. GHOST RIDER
3. PYRAMID HEAD
A.J THE ANONYMOUS JOURNALIST SAYS: I was impressed with Iron Man. Overjoyed, in fact. Iron Man opens the mind. It reminds you of technological possibilities. Spiderman is cool, love the romance with Kirsten Dunst, she’s perfect, although any girl would find it hard not to look pretty in that role. Batman is a joke, especially when played by Christian Bale, you only have to watch the old TV series to know he and Robin are both goofs. Superman wears his pants outside of his trousers, less said about him the better, although to be honest he is probably the hardest of everybody and would nail all the rest hands down. All the X-Men are planks apart from Gambit because he’s a legend with cards and can probably deal himself full houses, straight flushes, and 4-of-a-kinds at will. Not forgetting the sexy one with blue skin. Wolverine? Hmm...doesn’t he get like totally owned by Freddy Kruegar? Freddy could invade Wolverine’s dreams as a big-ass snake and make him kill himself with his own claws. The first Wolverine would hear about it was when he woke up dead.
Not very clued up on comics. Haven’t seen Watchmen yet but they all look like gimps. Hellboy is a bell tip although credit where credit is due, Ron Pearlman is a class act. Jeepers Creepers is a fool. I'd hammer that swine all day. Computer games are where it’s at. When I first saw a trailer for the game Silent Hill, that was the point when I realised the computer game industry and the movie industry were moving closer together. The game was actually scary! Can you buh-leeve that sheet? A scary game? Then, when the film came out, I was like, wow, this is one serious flick, outstanding and unique, the only let-down was Sean Bean (pronounced Seen Been, as in have you seen Mr Bean, say it how you see it, there’s no way Sean = Shaun), who doesn’t do accents.
Pyramid Head in Silent Hill was a nasty piece of work, horrifyingly impressive. He pulled a woman’s skin off in one swoop with one hand while holding her in the air a-kicking and a-screaming in his other. And as for his knife, huh, forget Crocodile Dundee, that’s a toothpick compared to old Pyramid Head’s. Forget Pumpkin Head as well. And forget anyone or anything from Harry Trotter or Lord of the Geeks. All that sci-fi fantasy wizard and spells codswallop don’t count. Griffins and Gruffaloes and Centaurs and all that other shish is for kids man. Gremlins are OK however. Anything that gives you nightmares gets a tick of approval (can you think of a better reason to not let your feet hang out over the edge of the bed?). That includes the Hulk, bodybuilder style, as Lou Ferrigno in the hit TV shows, no expensive computer generated imagery (CGI) needed, thank you very much, just a lick of green body paint and we’re good to go.
Dracula? One swift elbow from any old cowboy or alien would knock them fangs down the back of his blood-lined throat and what’s he gunna do then, gum you to death? If he turns into a flock of bats, fair play to the mother. Werewolf? The ones in Dog Soldiers (2002) are truly-fooking-terrifying! Catwoman? No. Wonderwoman? No. Miho in Sin City (2005)? Yes. Angelina Jolie or Milla Jovovich? Yes and yes. Predator? Abso-bloody-lutely! Top design. Alien? Don’t need mentioning. The ghost in 100 Feet (2008)? Arrgggghhh! YES! YES! YES!
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