dark am i, yet lovely, a lily among thorns, majestic as stars in procession

dark am i, yet lovely, a lily among thorns, majestic as stars in procession
WHY DESTROY YOURSELF? WHY DIE BEFORE YOUR TIME? THE KEEPERS OF THE HOUSE TREMBLE. DESIRE IS NO LONGER STIRRED. DO NOT CONFORM ANY LONGER TO THE PATTERN OF THIS WORLD.

Monday 12 November 2018

Psychosis



At first I was into thinking it was the slimy shadow government, or the duplicitous masons, or an international softer-than-silk-kill death squad, but now, oh now, I’m half-inclined to believe it’s simply demons. What else can shape-shift? I’ve seen a whole row of the same people, looking just-so-ever-slightly different in masquerading forms, drive-by me on the road. Clones? I’ve seen dead people walk past me on the street. Ghosts? I’ve seen videos of gory hell in wide-awake dreams. Hallucinations? I‘ve heard seagulls talking to me. I’ve seen rats bigger than donkeys, and tarantulas bigger than houses. I’ve had a lion stalk me for fifteen miles on foot. I can feel them, hear them, smell them, and see them briefly. They can walk through walls and tread on thin air. My home is the epicentre of a zoo. And to think I complained about round-the-clock screaming voices! I’m dreaming of a tapeworm now! What heaven I was in! I really do hate to dampen the mood, nothing saddens me more hastily, but I haven’t told anybody about this. There’s no way of explaining it. I am truly awake now. Expect more, as I grow. There’s no saying what will happen next anymore.

Everything follows me. People cross the street when they see my army of brutes. The abandonment and desolation is the worst of it. Not one nice word or sympathetic smile. Not one pat on the shoulder from any fellow kindred. Even the nuthouse won’t have me any longer. Insults and hatred from all angles. It gets weirder every time I turn around. A mutant just brought a grizzly bear into my living room. It can barely fit in, it’s so enormous. It followed me to the supermarket and back. The lion roared and crushed my skull in its jaws. So did a crocodile in my bed. I think I died and came back. I’ve had six komodo dragons slobber and crawl over me. I don’t know how I made it through it. I don’t know if it will ever end. I don’t know if my home will ever feel the same again. Snakes, lizards, bats, centipedes, the lot. I’ve also been seeing a demon everywhere I look. It doesn’t matter where I put my eyes, it’s there. All over the place. It stabs me in the heart when I’m trying to sleep. I think I need prayer. Prayer for this nightmare. Never mind though, life goes on.

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