A humongous mass of sentient slime magically appeared in a poor
family’s attic, and started taunting them. So they rang the police.
Detective Baron’s
loudspeaker wasn’t working, so he shouted, as loud as he could. “Identity
yourself!”
The slime replied,
“My name is Slither.”
“Slither what?”
“All Over Ya.”
“Slither All Over Ya?
Hell kind of a name is that?”
“And I’m going to slither all over ya.”
Constable Jeffries
addressed his superior. “You heard what he said boss. I suggest we leave this
to the Feds.”
Baron waved him off.
“You’re not slithering all over anybody, buddy. Now come out, with your hands
up!”
“I haven’t got any
hands.”
“What have you got?”
“Talons.”
“They’ll do. Put ‘em
on your head. I’m assuming you’ve got a head.”
“I give the orders
round here. You’re just a human. I don’t listen to humans. I’m Slither. All
Over Ya.”
“What are you?” Baron
banged his loudspeaker on a car. “Stupid fucking thing! Not you, Slither. But
out. Now!”
“No.”
“Yes!”
“No.”
“I repeat, what are
you, and what do you want with that family?”
“I’m a gooey gloppy
gloopy blob of glob. And I want to slither. All over ‘em. And you.”
“Don’t let him
slither all over ya, boss.” Jeffries chirped in.
“Where are you from?”
“Out of town.”
“How did you get in there?”
“I slithered in.”
“Well, I suggest you slither your
way out. Right this instance!”
“I’m comfortable here. I’ve only
just arrived.”
“You’re snookered, erm…Slither.
Break and enter. Trepassing. Home invasion. We’ve got you on all counts. I want
you out on the count of three. One…Two…Two and a half…Three. Out!”
The slime appeared at the front
door. The cop team stared in amazement at it. It looked like a dozen different
creatures moulded into one.
“You are fucking disgusting,” Baron
told it.
“Thank you,” the slime responded.
“Hell are you?”
“Not human.”
“I’d
say.”
Helicopters came. Swat team arrived
and riddled it with bullets. The slime absorbed them, unharmed. Worse, it
seemed to enjoy the sensation of being peppered with live rounds. They looked
to be doing nothing more than tickling him. Or it.
“That thing needs a bomb up its
arse, boss,” Jeffries said.
“Can you die?” Baron shouted at it.
“I’m eternal, me. Always have been,
always will be.”
“Evict the occupants,” Baron barked
to his colleagues. “We’ll nuke it off the face of the Earth.”
“I shit nukes,” the slime said.
The family had already escaped out
of the back door.
The team retreated to a safe
distance and cleared a nuke order with the prime minister. But, when they nuked
it, the slime became three times as big. It had inhaled all the energy from the
bomb and reinvented itself, ten times more grotesque.
“What now, boss?” Constable Jeffries
asked. He was paler than a sheet, and trembling all over.
Detective Baron looked at him
soberly. “There’s only one thing left to do.”
“And what’s that exactly?”
“Leg
it!”
© 2019
