dark am i, yet lovely, a lily among thorns, majestic as stars in procession

dark am i, yet lovely, a lily among thorns, majestic as stars in procession
WHY DESTROY YOURSELF? WHY DIE BEFORE YOUR TIME? THE KEEPERS OF THE HOUSE TREMBLE. DESIRE IS NO LONGER STIRRED. DO NOT CONFORM ANY LONGER TO THE PATTERN OF THIS WORLD.

Thursday, 10 April 2025

Boat Ride

I remember visiting Llandudno with my neighbor Marik. We were both under God’s Instruction to capture kidnappers and torturers in Wales. Our paths crossed for one earth-shaking day. We decided to get two train tickets. Good government officials were behind us all the way, what I call White Ops.

When we arrived, we had fish and chips. The wrongdoers on display were obvious. I didn’t hardly have any idea what was going on, I was relying on Marik a lot. There was some sinister-looking old guy sat next to us. I felt like leaving my seat, picking him up, shaking him by the lapels, and asking him where the f**k he kept his TV (torture victim). It was like being in a movie by Eli Roth. Everyone was reading my mind, as is usual in psychotika. He whispered under his breath, “I detect fear, Lucifer.” Talking to his numpty deity. The enemy holds fear against you as if you’ve squandered the whole mission and are not worthy just because it glimmers across your mind. There’s nothing to be ashamed of about feeling slightly afraid of something. But the way the Devil uses it, it’s as if the game is over, as if it’s a neutralizing constituent of the battle process. I’ll readily admit that I’m a bit scared. But I don’t rattle. And there is no courage or bravery without jitters.

Our job was just to detect them and the White Op government officials shadowing us would deal with the fallout. Round them up, get them arrested, most importantly save the victim. Marik was indicating that we follow certain people. We were in a world where they were blatantly walking around with their victims, prodding them with knives underneath their jackets to keep them subordinate. He had a real keen eye for them. He could spot them a mile off. On the surface, it might look like a mother and son, but in reality, it was a cruel woman and a kid who didn’t belong to her. You would think that they would keep their seedy exploits contained to some kind of underground basement, but no, they liked to parade their victims in public. They liked to pretend to be normal.

Some random guy pointed at me, aware of what me and Marik were doing, ratting out pain-inflicters for the government and God, and shouted, “I want him rock hard!” He was referring to my pornography use. Instead of embarking upon a special mission with my foreign gifted friend, he wanted me back home playing with myself watching porno. All these gang-stalkers feel powerful when I am fallen with a self-induced erection at home behind shaded curtains watched sleaze. I laughed out aloud. I still find it funny to this day. The fact of one man wanting another man ‘rock hard’ is humorous beyond all belief. Verbally stating it to a stranger, for Heaven’s sake. He shouted it in front of everybody. Even the voices in my head were laughing at it!

We got on a boat. I keep shouting out to God out of nervousness. Declaring Him, like. The whole world knew what me and Marik were doing. All on the boat were reading my brain. My fears of water elevated as we traveled out to sea. I felt totally insecure and vulnerable. It was a new experience to me. I started singing a song in my head out of uneasiness, and several children on the boat started singing it along with me, laughing and giggling. Their faces were magical. The kids alleviated my tension. They kept staring at me and chuckling and smiling. They made it all worthwhile.

There was one woman with a child who looked like she was going to faint with trepidation. The infant looked nothing like her. She had a victim, she had been found out, and she was trapped on a boat with me, Marik, and White Op government officials. Caught! I’ll never forget the confusion in her gaze, and her lacklustre defeated body language. There were several Chinese who were trying to perturb our mission by making me feel fearful. They kept taking pictures of me and saying, “Chinese Win.” But not before a giant spirit of a woman flew over the top of the boat. I felt better when witnessing that. It was insanely enormous.

I also saw myself engraved into a mountain, a giant image of me, looking like a wizard with a magic wand. I clicked my fingers and saw this even more insanely enormous gigantic lizard with a blue sperm whale in its jaws. I believe in the lizard realm as David Icke describes it and I also firmly believe that they are on my side. The hallucination was probably the best one I’ve ever had, all carved in on the details and contours of the mountain. How big are whales! And how big was this lizard! To have it trapped within its jaws!

There was a plethora of other wonderful things happening that day. I’ve done my best to get the essence down into words. It’s hard. I know it sounds crazy. But, even to this day, I believe it to be true.

 

Wednesday, 9 April 2025

Shifting Back Into Alignment

Sincere and engaging greetings. I pray that this message extends into your jurisdiction of acknowledgement with grace. I am reborn and rejuvenated today. I have broken bread in Spiritual Communion. It’s a little thing between me and the preternatural. I sit before a special mask on the floor and break half a peanut cupcake on the bible, to share with my Precious Saint Chloe. Chloe is a young girl who I used to know, a girl who never gets old. She’s in my heart; she’s in my mind; she’s in my soul. So are a lot of others. I listed them all out, several months ago. They all have names by me. Priests warn against giving Guardian Angels names, as it claims authority over them. Personally, I can’t help it.

It has been a trying week. I severed my covenant momentarily with The Guard, to peruse the Devil’s pleasurable delights. In result, I have distinctly turned away from all things sexually pleasurable. I will never view the distorted twisted motion picture show of porno ever again. I want you to know this, because I mean it. I'm actually writing it all over the interwebs right now. There. Done. I have God’s Love. Nothing can compare with it. It makes peering at traffic, and inspecting wildlife, glorious. There are now massive significant interactions between My People, instead of empty exchanges devoid of life and soul. I am now committed to the True Path. I am Chosen. I have a mission. Maybe, you say, I need to get back on my meds!

When I came to understand My Divine Purpose, my arse fell out of my pants. I just wanted one more roll of the dice with Old Nick, to indulge in hedonism. Because I knew that it was being prepared to be lifted from me, I knew it was about to be the last time. It was a farewell gesture, gone for ever. Do I fear my lustful loins striking back at my heart? A bit. If I were to view any kind of extreme content, my spirit might be plunged into doubt. Some guy tried to show me some material on his phone last week, but I dodged it and said no thank you, because I know that all it takes is one glance to land that hook, line and sinker deep within the indecisive rubble of my subconscious. I don’t know, maybe I’m talking bollocks, but my latest 90 Day Spree is still rubbing off on me. It isn’t over, extinguished like a popped light bulb, or snuffed candle flame, its influence keeps continuing to breed incentivised encouragement. I have not forgotten The Promised Land, that extraordinary Fair Weather place I sampled, and I am keen to return as quickly as The Sands Of Time might permit me.

Keep Fighting. Keep Toiling. We are Warriors. In on this conquest together. Thanks for reading, and I’ll report again over the next couple of days. Hang tough Brother. Hang tough Sister.


Sunday, 6 April 2025

90 Day Relapse

You knew it was coming, didn’t you? It was all over me every morning for a week until I broke. There was no porno involved (I haven’t watched that for over 3 months, Amen), but my will and stamina did finally capsize unto an evil spirit of selfish lonely lust. Just one more night of drug-fueled passion, I thought. It was the cocaine.

I DID NOT enjoy anything about it. Once you are in recovery, and doing rather well, the use-up is never the same. I’m not wounded in pain as much as I have been in the past, because of God, and I refuse to let regret, shame, remorse and guilt run amok in my emotive hindsight, but of course I am not quite flying the way I was last week. I REFUSE to be beaten by an absence of hope, however, and am now fairly certain that something has been lifted from my life. The desire. You can be 3 years clean, but if you are struggling with the addictive disease every day, and still crave the material, then what kind of a life is it? I think that, from now on, there will be no more struggle. Because I value God’s Love as the number one priority in the world. I won’t be trading it in for a poor-copy cheap counterfeit of lust masquerading as pleasure ever again. I have finally learned. I discovered this message in several CHOSEN ONES videos on YouTube. Chosen ones are Targeted Individuals. People with a special calling from God.

I have NO DESIRE for porno anymore. The images from my past, all 45 years of it, have a habit of entering my mind unbidden. They were powerful and lustful, but now I am able to laugh at them. I see a funny side to pornographic images today. I count myself lucky to have escaped, because that kind of sexual enslavement can last a whole lifetime and ransack the soul. By the time you fall in love with porn stars while high on substances with a sizable web collection going on, it is already too late. They come before family and vocation and faith and life itself. But it is insatiable. You can never gratify the needs. It is never enough. And there’s always another porn star in the making. They take refuge in your soul with addiction and there’s just no uprooting them. I would say that it is impossible. Not without God’s Love.

The resulting ‘schizophrenic’ backlash of the voices was an ordeal. And I’m off my medication. They made me take it, but now my Community Treatment Order has expired, and I am a free man. I’m so relieved and happy to be off anti-psychotic drugs. They never ever helped, apart from with sleep. Now I am awake at night, but I am not dumbed down. I am out of The Matrix. My imagination is far better. My Third Eye is clearer, more detailed. I’m star-gazing at night again. Most glorious praise to The Most High. He has promised me Heaven, and, from now on, I shall never forget it.