Beshine

How are you doing out there? Are you still fighting the good fight? It’s a hard slog, isn’t it? I hope that your life isn’t stultified too much by the pressures of modern life, and you are able to glimpse some hope at the end of the rainbow. I myself have been having a tough run of it, constantly trying to thrive in a negative environment. No matter how elevated my brainwaves become, when I am enjoying a wee drink and getting lost in artistic music videos, there always seems to be a depressing slump at the end of proceedings. When my mind is active, I paint pictures in the sky and tell myself stories to keep the wolves at bay. But, as soon as I stop, my ‘auditory hallucinations’ flood back in with their usual gaggle of hate-speak.

The voices have been around now for roughly twelve years. They have lost an awful lot of power, due to my resilience to finally form a relationship with them, instead of trying to pretend that they don’t exist, yet are still a miserable earache I could heartily do without. The physical ‘apparitions’ converged on me at the moment are just as bad. They make me want to pull my hair out. Who’d have thought that, after having lived, laughed, loved and lost as a person, one would survive crossing over to the Other Side only to come back and haunt some regular guy in a council flat, for no other reason than to do his head in? Please, God, can I come back and do that? Pick on someone for no reason, as an unwanted entity who can’t be booted out the door, lingering around like some foul odour?

To take my mind off the supernatural realm, and the ghostly syrup which I seem to walk in everywhere, I’ve been thinking of the woman with the biggest breasts in the world. Instead of focusing on lost spirits and covert government technologies (the bane of my f**king life), I’ve been changing the oil in my head so to speak, and thinking of something fun. I think every man from here to Australia agrees that big massive boobs are fun. Hardly anyone dislikes them, do they? Maybe many would agree that Beshine has gone too far, and that her body dysmorphic disorder has crossed the line, but I say none of it, the bigger the better. I see her as kind of a one-woman circus event. I think that a physique like hers is refreshing and endearing.

I salivated to one of her videos once, going back a few years. She was just in a bedroom parading her wares in a bikini, on her own, being kinky. It was all harmless really. There were no keen fellas anxious to get on down with her, there were no disgusting money shots, there was no degradation to underage women…nobody got hurt. I remember the video well. They were the largest ruddy bloody gazongas I’d ever seen in my life. It pains me to say that I grew up watching hardcore interracial, which messed with my identity and turned me into a bit of a queer (no offence), so a soft video of simply giant-sized breasts seemed, well, quite motherly in comparison.

Because of my ‘life in porn’, a fair few of the female actresses have figured in my consciousness. I’ve mentioned before about how first I watched them, then I wrote about them, and then they began to become transparent energies in my home. Several of them are nasty pieces of work, who now torment me on a daily basis – the downside to being entrenched in filth for 25 years, I expect. So you won’t be surprised when I reveal to you that I can’t spiritually afford to watch it anymore. It meddles with my mental state and unearths fresh personalities who cling to my psyche. If I absolutely had to watch it though, I think I would turn my back on all those big black swingers out there, and go for Beshine. Especially, as I have just found out, as she had starred in a hardcore video.

I’ve been thinking about ordering it from the local sex shop. I have a bit of a fascination going on with both her and her chest. In fact, I’ve started seeing her regularly in my Third Eye, even before I have even witnessed her in action with a bloke or two. Maybe she wouldn’t haunt me like the others, as she seems nice. I actually do admire her curves a lot. I’d do anything to watch her naked, at work, while high on drugs (me, that is, not her).

But sadly those days are gone, and Beshine will have to be one of those delicious dolly birds who regrettably slipped away. I watched a helluva lot of pornographic actresses over the years, but sorely, she was not one of them. It’s probably for the best, as she most likely eats men like hair. She’s always there, anyway, in case the proverbial sh*t hits the fan, and life goes Pete Tong. She’ll always be a port in a storm.