My Life Today

I’ve started my own Psychosis Group. It meets in a bar once a week. So far, we’ve had two meetings. They both went really well. One of the values in SMART meetings is Confidentiality, so I’m not prepared to reveal any juicy details about it. I won’t name the names of who attended, and I won’t share what they were talking about. Don’t get me wrong, I want to, but I know of a strict set of values concerning the methodology of running a group. I’ve been attending groups for years now. Some newbies might come along and talk over everyone. That behaviour would be forbidden.

I will mention Goblins coming out of plug sockets, as that comes from my girl Sam and she’s not a member of the group at the moment. Here I can talk about anyone or anything I like, and there’s not an awful lot of s*it anyone can do about it.

That’s the beauty of blogging.

That’s the freedom of the internet.

We’re all Sam, and we all have Goblins coming out of plug sockets. The Goblins just manifest themselves in different ways to people. Your Goblin might be a gambling addiction, or a car crash, or a busted water main. You see what I’m saying? Goblins.

So, things are fine with me. Instead of reading about Your’s Truly, why don’t we focus on you for a moment, man. How are you doing? Where are you at? What’s the state of your life in at the minute? Take a time out to consider this, then come back to me at a later date. I’ll always tell you where I’m at, no doubt about it, that’s what I’m here for. But it’s you I’m interested in. How long have you been reading this blog? What do you think about it? Bullcrap? Pish? Twaddle? Have you gone back through the annals and visited the pages I wrote years ago? Fair play if you have, because I steadily appreciate that kind of action. I go back a long way, but there’s nothing like the present moment. I aim to be as interesting now as I was then, if not more so, because since about two years ago my life got very serious. No more film reviews and ceramics, but addiction and recovery. What do you prefer? Fiction, or real life stuff? I’d love to read something you’ve wrote, or assess with immense pleasure anything creative you might have achieved. This screen connects us. I sincerely wish the best for you. I don’t care who you are, or what you’ve done. You’ve glimpsed me, and I value that. I’m glimpsing people non-stop all day, in case you’re worrying about it.

I had a few voices from underneath me speaking up yesterday, but I didn’t rise to the challenge. Half the time, I forget that people are down there. I sort of believe that they are bio-metrically linked up to my brain, so if I’m in a good mood, it helps them in some way. If you don’t know what I’m waffling on about, then it’s the pain dungeon and its population underneath my premises. I know it sounds wacky and mad, like the ramblings of a schizo, but I really do have a secret bunker underneath my flat. Don’t worry if you don’t believe me, that’s fine, I probably wouldn’t believe it either, but in my heart, when I’m living with the groans and screams that come out of there, I know it to be terribly true. My neighbours are in on it, in case you’re wondering. I’m still nice and polite to them, no problem. I’ll talk about the dungeon in depth more, soon. I’m pretty sure I’ve got your interest on it, if nothing else. Apart from being Hell on Earth, it is categorically fascinating. Like watching The Exorcist, or something, when that little girl stabs herself in her penny (fanny) with a crucifix and blasphemes God. Charming, eh. Bloody charming. Go on Regan love.

 

One In The Pocket

 

Hello friend. It’s been a rough week. I got through pay day without any problems and resisted ringing my cocaine dealer. The next day I felt absolutely wonderful. I was in Pathways groups listening to people share their stories in a relaxed mood. I’d had pregabalin in the morning off my boy Ash for the first time, and it worked as a mild relaxant and hallucinogen. I was nicely and peacefully zonked! I felt like something had clicked in my struggle against addiction; I had no plans of using for the foreseeable. But then something seedy happened.

My speed dealer, fresh out of prison, was in a group. He didn’t seem interested in anything going on, playing on his phone. Without asking if I wanted it or not, he slipped a bag of whizz into my jacket pocket. I couldn’t believe what was happening. It changed my thought processes. I took it home and put it in the cupboard, then later that evening purchased some more off him, thirty quids worth in all. I was up for 24 hours, but when I stopped fapping the comedown was terrible. I saw rats in my flat. They freaked me out, but Abre, my protective spirit angel sent from God, talked me through it. When I get low on drug comedowns watching porn for hours and hours, all of my protective spirits, along with all the bad ones around me, appear. I spent a lot of time apologising for my behaviour, as conversing with a spirit is humbling and lovely. The hallucinatory effect wasn’t so bad, just a bunch of faces in the carpet.

I sat and thought and drank when it was over, all day, talking to Katy™. Katy™ is the word for the collective noun for all the voices in my head. It’s a HiveMind with a girl’s name. Currently, Russel Crowe (my favourite actor) is speaking quite a lot. He’s been supportive, which makes a change, as Katy™ has a history of being satanic in nature. They keep me occupied from sunrise to sunset. My modus operandi these days is to try and show love to Katy™, despite being tortured by her for over a decade. I’m just nice and polite to all her abuses, but it is quite wonderful how some of the voices are positive. David Icke is also proving to be complimentary backup. She’s changed over the years, and it is magic to talk to a disembodied voice who is actually on your side. I’ve given her a trademark sign after her name as she is kind of an invention of mine and very important.

I had a decent sleep anyway with hardly any brain tech horrors going on. Brain tech is evil people playing with your brain via secret technologies. It’s dreadful, but recently I’ve been battering it. I woke up feeling refreshed and extremely grateful that my mind and my soul are intact. I’ve been to a Pathways SMART group and now I’m here chatting to you, so that’s a productive day. See you soon!