The Premier League will be boycotted this season. It’s too painful to watch. All those young men achieving more than their dreams could have ever beheld, blasting goals in before thousands of cheering fans on a sparkling and cool Saturday afternoon, the false idols of millions more. And what are we doing? Watching them on the sofa—providing we have Sky TV, who split the games over the whole weekend. Not so bad if you are in a pub, throwing pints at the screen with the rest of the mob when you get beat in the last minute.
No more Match of the Day. Not even early on a Sunday morning. No more listening to the pundits and managers and presenters talking the hind legs off a donkey all day and all night. They never stop babbling, as if football is a science. “We’re gunna try and win the game and that’s it,” they should say, because that’s all that NEEDS saying. But instead they show us endless replays and tactical discussions between ball bags sat on a couch. Do one, Football Focus! And the analysis...oh heavens above, the analysis. Just move on with the next programme. Commentators, hush the f**k down and let me make my own mind up instead of telling me what I just saw with my own eyes in your overexcited spunky-pants voice.
This is quite touchy because just like you most probably, football is a first love. You’re STRANGE if you don’t like football. We grew up playing it. It’s what kids do. The operative word being PLAYING. Not bloody watching it 24/7. A line must be drawn. No more WATCHING football. Time-wasting issues are bad enough as it is. That’s why Sky TV in the home would be a stab in the face against all things creative, personally, and most especially the pursuit of writing masterpieces. Too distracting.
There will be exceptions, of course. Big FA Cup games and Big Champions League games on normal telly (don't even mention England until Rio 2014). The odd one. And that is all. But that is nothing really, if you watch regular league clashes multiple times a week. These ninety minutes add up you know. They’ll tell you that EVERY game is a big crunch game, even though the season has barely started. Well guess what? They ain’t big games. The league is a long arse haul over months and months full of overpaid ball bags we don’t recognise any more. Not to mention the Spanish and Italian games on Sky Sports Anytime+2 in RealD 3D HD.
If you go to the games, good for you. If you do the opposite of what is outlined here on a comfy armchair with a high-spec TV, then good for you again. It is thoroughly enjoyable, there’s no disputing that. It’s a religion in England, it most sincerely is. But that’s the point really. There’s only so much worship a man can allow himself...
Enjoy. ATD will be there occasionally, but only in the final rounds of the pivotal cup games. That’s the plan, anyway. Let you know how it goes.