SCHMOE®
Die Big
Big Chest hardly ever trains his chest, but when he does, he bombs it. It remains sensitive for days. His girlfriend always pokes him in it. He also massages the deep tissue in his armpit with a pin whilst training, and stretches constantly. If he had to choose two movements only for the rest of his life, he would choose flat dumbell flyes and seated machine press.
***
I’ve always wanted to own my own gym. I finally managed it in my mid-thirties. I didn’t want a typical name that included the words ‘fortress’ or ‘temple’, so after much deliberation I opted for Big Mac’s Gym. My nickname has always been Macca, and I’m big, and I think personal names suit some places.
First thing I did is install a Bose hi-fi system with speakers in the ceiling. There are LCD screens throughout, but they are usually on mute and for background visuals only. I usually run Mr and Ms Olympias, or training videos, one after the other on loop, for motivation.
I bought art, and plenty of, for the walls. And memorabilia as well. Flags, sculptures, trophies, framed magazines, rarities and oddities....the walls are littered with all kinds of stuff, including some signed trunks from Ronnie Coleman.
The equipment is a mix of old and new. I purposefully left the squat rack area looking rough and shabby, to give it a dungeon effect. The paint on the stairway entrance was painted to make it look like a dark, eerie cave.
We have our fair share of hard core women who train at Big Macs, which attracts more men. Business is good.
Personally, I train whenever the gym is quietest, because I like to blast Britney. For years I had to endure televisions or radio stations in other gyms, or dead silence. Now, I belt the tunes out for my customers, and belt them out loud. Trance, dance, metal, hard rap, you name it. Anything to get the blood flowing.
For me, it is Britney. Imagine suggesting they blast Britney Spear’s pop music from their speakers in any other gym? You would be ridiculed. I take sheer delight from doing just, in the afternoons. Currently, in this part of the world, the sun is low and bright. The floor space is flooded with autumn sunshine.
You’ll find me pinned beneath the bar to ‘Crazy’, ‘Oops I Did It Again’, and ‘Baby One More Time.’ People CANNOT BELIEVE I train to her. They come in and see a competitive hulk like me grimacing to that stuff and it trips them out. For me, the music is moving and emotional. I have a fine ear, and pick up on the evocative and melodic undertones which most people don’t associate with Britney.
If a certain sound of music puts me in an emotional state of mind for a bruising set, then I don’t care who it’s by, the oldest rock band going or the latest Pop Idol winner. The ear doesn’t lie, and if something subtle caresses it, you have to be honest and applaud whoever is responsible.
Pop and chart music is discriminated against, but many of the solo female artists are producing fine work, in my opinion. Like I touched upon, you need to know your ear. It can be very subtle.
Pop into my gym someday. I’m located on the edge of the river, underneath the bridge. You’ll find me pumping pecs, and blasting Britney.
First thing I did is install a Bose hi-fi system with speakers in the ceiling. There are LCD screens throughout, but they are usually on mute and for background visuals only. I usually run Mr and Ms Olympias, or training videos, one after the other on loop, for motivation.
I bought art, and plenty of, for the walls. And memorabilia as well. Flags, sculptures, trophies, framed magazines, rarities and oddities....the walls are littered with all kinds of stuff, including some signed trunks from Ronnie Coleman.
The equipment is a mix of old and new. I purposefully left the squat rack area looking rough and shabby, to give it a dungeon effect. The paint on the stairway entrance was painted to make it look like a dark, eerie cave.
We have our fair share of hard core women who train at Big Macs, which attracts more men. Business is good.
Personally, I train whenever the gym is quietest, because I like to blast Britney. For years I had to endure televisions or radio stations in other gyms, or dead silence. Now, I belt the tunes out for my customers, and belt them out loud. Trance, dance, metal, hard rap, you name it. Anything to get the blood flowing.
For me, it is Britney. Imagine suggesting they blast Britney Spear’s pop music from their speakers in any other gym? You would be ridiculed. I take sheer delight from doing just, in the afternoons. Currently, in this part of the world, the sun is low and bright. The floor space is flooded with autumn sunshine.
You’ll find me pinned beneath the bar to ‘Crazy’, ‘Oops I Did It Again’, and ‘Baby One More Time.’ People CANNOT BELIEVE I train to her. They come in and see a competitive hulk like me grimacing to that stuff and it trips them out. For me, the music is moving and emotional. I have a fine ear, and pick up on the evocative and melodic undertones which most people don’t associate with Britney.
If a certain sound of music puts me in an emotional state of mind for a bruising set, then I don’t care who it’s by, the oldest rock band going or the latest Pop Idol winner. The ear doesn’t lie, and if something subtle caresses it, you have to be honest and applaud whoever is responsible.
Pop and chart music is discriminated against, but many of the solo female artists are producing fine work, in my opinion. Like I touched upon, you need to know your ear. It can be very subtle.
Pop into my gym someday. I’m located on the edge of the river, underneath the bridge. You’ll find me pumping pecs, and blasting Britney.
© Big Chest MMX
Ya what, ha? Productions
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