A Television Interception courtesy of TellTale Press®Because of the shambolic 'sausage fest' during the first airing of the new series, kingpin of The Apprentice, Lord Sugar, swallowed his pride and called his arch nemesis Gordon Ramsey in a desperate bid for advice. They seem to be getting along now, after fierce rivalry in the popularity ratings. The following is the actual transcript from a recorded call.
LORD SUGAR: They got it cheap off the bone per kilo, minimum legal requirement meat percentage, and tried to tell me it was gourmet quality. It was the flavours I want you to give me advice on. They had beef and stout, pork and mustard, lamb and mint, pork and cider, and chilli chicken. Have you ever flogged chilli chicken sausages in your restaurant? Do customers seriously buy pork and cider sausages?
GORDON RAMSEY: Let me tell you something, Al. In all my years of owning restaurants, the only thing that matters is whether the food is seasoned or not. If it’s not seasoned, it’s f**kin’ dogshit.
LORD SUGAR: One of them didn’t know how to weigh all the gunk in the hopper, and another said he was too posh for mincing. They knew naff all about making sausages. I mean there’s bargain bangers, there’s budget bangers, and then there’s bulging bangers. It’s hardly an art form. There was more brains IN the bleedin’ sausages than there was between the bunch of bloody amateurs put together. Some of them even knocked door-to-door. With sausages!
GORDON RAMSEY: I saw the one called Stuart Baggs who said he was a brand unto himself. He’s a headache in a suit, that tosspot. You wanna feed him to the f**king pigs....that’ll increase the meat percentage.
LORD SUGAR: I know....brand of what, for crying out loud? Let me tell you, he’s a cocky sort of chap. He does nothing but faff about. He didn’t even say good evening Lord Sugar. He just said good evening. I dropped the Sir Alan so they could call me Lord Sugar because Sir Alan was becoming one word to them, like Siralan. Like Siralan was my Christian name.
GORDON RAMSEY: Brand of f**king donkeys, that’s what. Take my advice, yeah? Next time they are waiting to come into the boardroom, don’t have the secretary say Lord Sugar will see you now, or you can come into the boardroom now. Go out there yourself and say get in that f**king boardroom now, because one of you is getting f**ked! Then, after you’ve f**ked them, tell them to f**k off. Like this....You’re f**ked, now f**k off!
LORD SUGAR: Okay, Gordon. Thanks for your time.
LORD SUGAR: They got it cheap off the bone per kilo, minimum legal requirement meat percentage, and tried to tell me it was gourmet quality. It was the flavours I want you to give me advice on. They had beef and stout, pork and mustard, lamb and mint, pork and cider, and chilli chicken. Have you ever flogged chilli chicken sausages in your restaurant? Do customers seriously buy pork and cider sausages?
GORDON RAMSEY: Let me tell you something, Al. In all my years of owning restaurants, the only thing that matters is whether the food is seasoned or not. If it’s not seasoned, it’s f**kin’ dogshit.
LORD SUGAR: One of them didn’t know how to weigh all the gunk in the hopper, and another said he was too posh for mincing. They knew naff all about making sausages. I mean there’s bargain bangers, there’s budget bangers, and then there’s bulging bangers. It’s hardly an art form. There was more brains IN the bleedin’ sausages than there was between the bunch of bloody amateurs put together. Some of them even knocked door-to-door. With sausages!
GORDON RAMSEY: I saw the one called Stuart Baggs who said he was a brand unto himself. He’s a headache in a suit, that tosspot. You wanna feed him to the f**king pigs....that’ll increase the meat percentage.
LORD SUGAR: I know....brand of what, for crying out loud? Let me tell you, he’s a cocky sort of chap. He does nothing but faff about. He didn’t even say good evening Lord Sugar. He just said good evening. I dropped the Sir Alan so they could call me Lord Sugar because Sir Alan was becoming one word to them, like Siralan. Like Siralan was my Christian name.
GORDON RAMSEY: Brand of f**king donkeys, that’s what. Take my advice, yeah? Next time they are waiting to come into the boardroom, don’t have the secretary say Lord Sugar will see you now, or you can come into the boardroom now. Go out there yourself and say get in that f**king boardroom now, because one of you is getting f**ked! Then, after you’ve f**ked them, tell them to f**k off. Like this....You’re f**ked, now f**k off!
LORD SUGAR: Okay, Gordon. Thanks for your time.
Go on, get out !!!--------------------------
©opyright Okus Pocus
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In The Apprentice, Part 1, below, they argue and insult each other.
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