Nature of Voices

BY MIKE H. 52, Bi-Polar. I’ve had people say to me that I just imagine I hear them. At that, I hastily halt the conversation because there’s no winning them around. I’m batshit crazy to them and nothing will convince them otherwise. What’s more, I haven’t a single scrap of evidence to prove them wrong, because the very nature of hearing voices is that nobody else can hear them, not even if they put some recording equipment right up close against your skull. What’s more, the voices aren’t limited to intercranial proximity anyway. They can come from the corner of the room, or across the park, or from the next aisle in the supermarket. Basically, they can come from any-fu*king-where. They don’t have to be voices, either. They can be any sound. But for simplicity’s sake, we’ll stick to voices. I don’t know what the lowest hearing range for humans is, but a lot of the voices operate around this scale. It’s so imperceptible sometimes that you question both the accuracy and the sanity of your own hearing, only to conclude that you wouldn’t be questioning yourself if no auditory event had occurred; something put that questioning there. The voices are more like thoughts in the lower end of the range; they are so low they virtually don’t exist as a sound. They are like blank insertions into your train of thought, stopping your own thinking in its tracks with the quietest of whispers you can imagine. It’s like AIR. It’s like word-shaped AIR. It’s like having a face of air follow you around, a mask made of wind behind your head. Sometimes you know you heard something because your eyes moved with it. When your eyes move with the sound, you can be sure it wasn’t your imagination. I find it hard to understand how one’s imagination can produce auditory hallucinations. I’ve never imagined any such thing. Because it has all...Actually...Happened. Then you have the loud voices, which startle you, so loud you can hear them in a room full of cheering people. Or the ones that sound like they are falling, or coming from a long way off. They can imitate any known person. They are relentless. They nag and bother and rile and hector, twenny-four-seven, all around the clock, both keeping me awake and waking me up. I believe they are some kind of morbid population control, driving us to take our lives. There is nothing good about them in any way, shape or form, not my negative ones anyway. Some people do report positive voices, but mine are satanic. They’ve said things I wouldn’t dare repeat here. One thing is for sure, I am a lot more sympathetic to whackjobs these days. Most people just haven’t any idea what is going on. We are talking about neuro-weapons here, I suppose, one of the best kept secrets in the world.