I need my
matey Subject A for this one. He’s
been around every block there is (even Jenny L’s) and he’s also DEAD DEAD
HONEST to boot, much more DEAD DEAD HONEST than I’ll ever be. He can talk about
anything to anyone. The guy has no shame.
“I never met a soul who wants to be a
public fapper. Every dog is ashamed of it lad. I was chewed up by guilt for
years over my fapping. I started out my first ever fap when I found a naughty
playing card. It was the ❺ of clubs and it had a Chinese woman
dribbling you know what down her chin with a big willy resting on her lips. I
took it to the safety of a school roof next to the chimney (I sprained my ankle
on the way back down) and fapped to it. Awesome, at the time, as a young boy
who had never seen images.”
Can you still buy those porno playing
crads? I wouldn’t mind a packet for the next poker session with the lads. Subject A’s second fap was a little
less obvious.
“My second ever fap, and this is far harder to
admit than that ❺ of clubs Chinese broad, was to Jamie Lee Curtis, the American
actor. It was the bit in True Lies (1994) when she was posing in a very tight
black dress with heels on. I fapped, coz I recall this very lucidly, for around
a full 45 minutes. That seemed a long time back then, until I set my record
fapping time at 54 hours many years later in adulthood.”
Hold up – You pulled the head of it for 54 hours
solid? Straight up? Pardon me, but that’s bullshit.
“You might think so. I wish it was. But I’m
just describing the facts. There was a whole lifetime of mechanical gears in
operation to arrive at 54 hours though. That kind of thing doesn’t just happen
overnight. I had learned behaviours entrenched deep within the members of my
psyche – that’s the only and best way I know how to put it.”
What was your third fap to? Confess to
piebald77 or die!
“That one’s easy. It was to a real hardcore
pornographic film. My mate put it on (it belonged to his parents) one day in
his house after we’d all gotten in from a night out. I’d just been battered and
mugged by a couple of hooligans while almost out for the count on 60% proof
rum, so I accepted the film differently because I was in a sensitive condition
and in desperate need of a spiritual cocktail, if you will, to make me feel
better about myself again. That explicit sexual imagery was like warm cockles
on my soul, it made me not give a total sh*t about getting battered or mugged.
The world could batter me and mug me all it wanted so long as I had a movie
like this to watch. I’d take that deal any time of the day.”
What was it called, this movie?
“It was a rip-off of Stanley Kubrick’s A
Clockwork Orange (1971), entitled A Clockwork Orgy. The blonde bimbo, Olivia,
was stunning, with a giant set of implanted knockers and a really cruel
expression on her red lips, as she took willy and sucked willy and got spurted
on by willy and all that. The money shot actually blew my socks off at the
time. The idea of discharging a heavenly spritz over a bare naked woman was
something new, fresh, titillating and powerful. The male actor must have been
drinking liquidated egg whites for a week.”
Have to check it out. I know a site
that does retro vids. We’ll leave it there because I need to do something else.
Come back in a few days if you want, coz I know you got lots to say about what
you call your ‘Life In Porn’. You up for it?
“All day. I’d just like to express, before I
go, my sincere compassion to anyone going through this fapping guilt business.
It’s a nightmare, but I can help.”
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