THE ANONYMOUS JOURNALIST
Bringing you 100% pure truth from the Daily Mail last week. None of the following is supposed in any way at all, apart from his brief reactions in italics after each news bulletin. (Disclaimer: WOL is not accountable for A.J's comments)
1. The youngest woman ever climbed Everest.
What the hell is so hard about walking up a goddamn mountain?
2.50 is the new 40. Marriage, home and career are all taken care of by then.
If you have them.
3. Someone found two bananas in one skin. The BOGOF Banana. Buy one get one free.
Best abbreviation ever, that.
4. A teacher got herself arrested for assaulting a pupil with a pritt stick.
Where the frig did she stick it like?
5. An army dude suffering from Iraq flashbacks purposefully drove his car into a lamppost at 100mph.
Couldn't have dealt with it better myself.
6. Children who lie have a much higher likelihood of succeeding in life.
7. Fizzy pop prevents kidney stones.
Don't worry about the rotting teeth.
8. Animals can be gay.
If they're happy to hump a human's leg then popping a member of the same sex ain't shit.
9. Mobile phones equal brain cancer.
It's official then.
10. Bacon butties equal heart attack.
Just pass me the brown sauce.
A.J reporting via mobile web 5 days ago