Alien

 

Did I tell you about the time I saw aliens? They appeared outside my garden, lurking around the sparse bushes. I should start with Ruben.

Ruben is the son of my good friend David Abraham. I know David from church. He laid hands on me with his family one time and got me saved. That puts my name in the Lamb’s Blood Book Of Life, or whatever it’s called. David’s wife had an affair on him with somebody else from the church and ruined what was otherwise a beautiful Christian family. They had prepossessing and comely portraits on the wall. They had the lot. David is okay now because he has found another woman and had another child (he doesn’t hang around). I was with David when I found out that my younger brother had lost his life to the police. I also trained a young football team with David. He was the manager and I was the assistant. I remember when he battered Ruben, his son, because he fouled another child. The violence was a bit excessive, and definitely not Christian. But what can I do? He raises his kids how he wants to.

Anyway, why I touch upon Ruben here is because one of the aliens had him in its mouth. It had skinned his head and scalped him then made a Mohican out of the rippled flesh. To see Ruben, naked, hanging out of an alien’s mouth, skinned and scalped and mohawked, had a detrimental effect on me to say the least. My fear however was tempered by wonder. I couldn’t believe these creatures. One of them smiled at me with gold teeth, acid dripping from its trap. One of them caught a bird in its mouth and then let it go. Do you know of any other creature capable of catching a bird? That’s how quick they are. Their speed was hard to fathom, it was just otherworldly. Because of the distance between us, and because my window was locked, I felt safe from them. There was luckily no apparent threat.

Eventually one of them got into my bedroom. I was masturbating (fapping) at the time, high on chems, so I didn’t give a shit quite frankly. But eventually when I stopped and the drugs wore off and it was still there grinning at me from the laundry basket I started to get the jitters and crap myself. I left the flat and jumped on my bike. It was accompanied by a tiger but that’s something else entirely. It was the tiger that scared me more to be honest (tbh). Even glorious tigers are boring compared to aliens. I cycled to MacDonalds. My bike got robbed from outside there that night incidentally. There were aliens and big cats in the restaurant. I thought they were going to materialise and eat me at any given moment.

Like I say, my fascination with H.R. Giger’s alien overrides most of the fear. They are a joy and a pleasure to watch. It’s just a shame they are so f**King evil. But their pace and momentum…wow. I would say they could do the hundred metres in 2 seconds flat. It’s tough to comprehend but it’s true, they just glide and hurtle at incredible velocity. Marvellous man.