dark am i, yet lovely, a lily among thorns, majestic as stars in procession

dark am i, yet lovely, a lily among thorns, majestic as stars in procession
WHY DESTROY YOURSELF? WHY DIE BEFORE YOUR TIME? THE KEEPERS OF THE HOUSE TREMBLE. DESIRE IS NO LONGER STIRRED. DO NOT CONFORM ANY LONGER TO THE PATTERN OF THIS WORLD.

Saturday 20 March 2010

FIEND OR FOE by A.Michael

The Campaign for Real Fear Season

'Darkness is for Everyone'

Only now, after leaving my youth behind, can I argue for the presence of a supernatural entity. Just supposing something bad has journeyed alongside me?

Presently, with my alopecia, broken hip, jaundice, dairy intolerance, chapped skin, cotton mouth, wheezy chest, bloodshot eye, and dicky ticker, I feel like an end-result, not a work in progress. Minor imperfections are a demon in themselves.

In the mirror, obsessed with my reflection, does something I cannot see stare back and wish me harm? Want me to trip, slip or fall, stub my toe, scold myself with the kettle, cut myself with the razor blade, forget my keys, be late, get knocked down in the road? Something that never leaves my side, and especially hates me most whenever I am eating or making love? Adores me most when I am sulky, angry, upset…

An invisible malice, in an empty room, communicates. I sleep-walk away, naked, from twisted nightmares. I mope around my house, with a blanket wrapped around me, for days. Hiding from energies at work.

Delusional phases and episodes punish my otherwise happy life: Mind control, subconscious messages, covert drugging techniques, permanent surveillance; my persecutor has incredible wealth and power, unlimited resources and bags of time, the scope of a genius and the tenacity of a psychopath…with the luck of the devil to boot.

I know that master voice, that god-headed common overlord. Impossibly audible and real. I wonder how my friend got in my head. Knowing exactly how would not change the fact my brain is host to a transmitting microchip. Pretension and deception reel me in, spit me out, blindfold me, and spin me around. Reality has been pulled apart like a sponge cake.

If it is a demon responsible for the distorted perception of my friend, and not my best friend himself, then it must have the power to adopt the disguise of an emotion or mental state. Perhaps both scenarios are true: My friend is very bad and there are monsters in the closet. Or Samil has created a haunted environment, making it seem like there is a paranormal entity. Or…and this is hardest, like realising I have been missing the woods because of the trees…it is all just down to that stupid legal high.

The imagination spawns endless possibilities to the point where it is for the benefit of my sanity to reign it in. Never mind the cold dark depths of the universe, and you can even forget about the bottom of the ocean. Try wondering about what kind of basement or bunker might be under your feet, whose laboratory might be at the end of your street.

Is the idea of an unearthly fiend anymore unlikely than the notion of the cosmos coming to be from a piece of space the size of a pinhead? Is the idea of an enemy friend anymore unlikely than the notion of a real place such as Hell in flames under the ground?

© A.Michael 2010

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