Diary

I drank two bottles of cheap cider and walked to my dealer’s the other day. The walk took 32 minutes exactly. Pissed down on the way back. I suspected he was in prison, as his phone was on answer machine, but I took the gamble. I left a note through his door with my number on it, just in case he’d simply lost his phone. As it happens, I got a voicemail from his mum the next day. She alerted me to the fact that he was indeed in prison. She said he might be out on the tenth of Jan with a tag, or the 5^th of Feb without. So today is a waiting game. When will my recent clean time ever come to an end?

I’m sooo looking forward to using again. There’s no way I’ve beaten this addiction. I know how that sounds, defeatist and forlorn, but we are always brutally honest here at Anvil Samsara. That’s what you need to understand, that this is Anvil Samsara here. There’s no bullshit.

When I got back I watched Ong Bak: The Beginning. It wasn’t in English. Just full of warriors fighting each other and growling. That’s all I’ve got to say about it. Animalistic noises and samurais. The main star was the actual director, which I find is rare. Tony Jaa. Take a bow anyway mate.

I’ve applied for a loan from the benefit people. £350 notes. Judging from past experience, I’d say I’m 85% eligible for the payment. I’ve already put that baby aside for a phat bag of coke lol. That’s if a laptop doesn’t get in the way. I could really use my Photoshop Elements 6.0 again, I tell thee. That graphic design program fills a void up.

Had a tuna pasta sweetcorn at midnight in bed the other night. Graham Norton said that it feels brilliant going to bed full. I’m inclined to agree with him. Add a few Diazepam and it’s winner winner chicken dinner, even though it’s not a chicken dinner, it’s a tuna pasta sweetcorn. Which do you prefer? I’ve always thought that a Dominoes bin-lid gets you to sleep, along with cricket and philosophy. How about a carvery in bed? Just a thought.

As for the Samaritans, I’d like to thank Kath from South Wales, Ash from Newport, Grant from North London, and Peter from Manchester. Just a little acknowledgement roll there. They listened intently.

I saw an old mate from Widnes begging outside the Sainsburys the other day. He had a sign. It said Ex-Royal Engineer! He was never a royal engineer lol. Complete blagster, I think, but the fullest of respect to him. I love Jon Dennet, known him since childhood. And his brother Chris is doing really well.

I sorted my windowsill out. It was full of crap on it. Now there’s just an out-of-work blender and some butter.

Played competitive pool on Thursday. I got beat but it was a very close game. Then I played a woman called Debbie who is a barmaid in the pub. I kind of lost to her on purpose to feed her ego. Where’s the satisfaction in winning? I’d rather lose on purpose and make it look like an accident. That’s the trick, making it look genuine. I’d been thinking about buying a couple of bags of coke so going to the pub to play pool with people was a far better idea. On the way home I got a Meat Feast Pizza from Turkish Delight. The establishment is run by a pair of identical twins who I can only tell apart by their thinning hairlines.

I bumped into James from Pathways, the drug rehab clinic I attend. He suggested that my dealer being in prison was a result of my higher power being at work. I’d never looked at it like that, in that way. He said that my higher power might have f**ked my dealer off.

To finish off, I punched in at the town’s monthly poetry event last night. I had a problem talking with my thick tongue but I read out some very special poems to me, and heard a few back in between. It was splendid. I lived in the moment and enjoyed it, very happy to be there. Bye for now, and I’ll speak to you soon okay.