Recovery Homes

A lad from Narcotics Anonymous found thousands of pounds on the street at the weekend. It was wrapped in a business receipt from a Dog Kennel’s or something about fifty yards down from MacDonald’s restaurant in town. He shared about it in the meeting, said it was wrecking his head because he swore he had done the right thing by handing it in but he was having doubts. He is a better man than me, I’ll tell you that much for nothing. There’s no way I’d be handing found cash in. I’d keep it for myself. That’s the sour honest truth about the matter.

Would I score? Well that’s the problem, and probably why he handed it in, because he’s months and months clean. Cocaine would spring up in my mind instantly, quicker than you can say “Jumping Jack Flash.” If I was months and months clean then I would probably do the right thing too. But I’m only 19 days (I was 44 before my last relapse). What do you think, am I doing well or what?

There’s a bunch of guys here at Pathways who live in supported rehab accommodation called Recovery Homes. They are not allowed to even drink or they get kicked out. They are all doing well regarding clean time, but I believe it’s a default setting. I was clean in prison because I had to be. So do they. I’d be two years clean and all that if I lived there, but I live on my own with nobody instructing me about the way I should live. You may detect a smidgen of jealousy but I am absolutely made up for them. Plus, they always have company. The main gripe I have with Recovery Homes is that they make the residents do stuff, like attend Pathways and fellowship meetings. It’s in the contract. Whereas I do it off my own back, out of free will and choice. I wouldn’t like being made to do anything. The real test comes when they get their own place and are once more allowed again to do whatever they want.

Thought I’d mention my boy Fred here. He’s been coming to Pathways from an open prison to take part in our psychedelic art class. He’s done a fair few years behind bars but he’s been clean for the last three and talks a lot of sense about recovery. He seems to be totally reformed and rehabilitated, and gets out next week. It’s obvious he’s done a serious crime, but I don’t want to ask him what for and disrespect him. He might be ashamed of it or something, or it might bring back bad memories for him because he’s not properly processed it yet. What do you think, would you trust someone like that, if you were an employer or somebody else in a position to hand him a second chance? I think I probably would. He seems calm and peaceful and down to Earth, although his crime might make him look like a monster in black and white. I know my crimes, when seen on paper, make me look like a monster. I’m nothing but a violent arsonist to the law enforcement authorities. I can always fall back on those qualities, if militia law breaks out or anything like that. Of course I love a nice flame or two, it’s in my nature :-)