Lydia

One day my telly pulled off a stunt and a half. Within the smudges and greasy fingerprints on its surface, I peered into a parallel dimension. It started off with some mad evil dude who had about 50 different faces. He called himself, get this, ‘The Master Of The Universe.’ The complexity to his boater (boat race – face), was absolutely incredible. The harder I looked, the more faces I perceived. He was obviously a bad dude, but I granted him mercy. He started to cry in front of me. And as soon as I looked away from him, he fired several mini lizards from the telly into my living room. There really was no feeling pity for him. He just wanted to inflict anxiety the minute my back was turned.

Behind him was a giant hall full of evildoers lined up in rows. They were all scowling because I could see them. It was hard to ignore the hatred seething off them all. “It’s impossible,” they said. “How can he see us?” But I could, through the smudges and fingerprints. The TV was off by the way, but the sun was shining on it. Some of the evildoers were giant humanoid rodents, like Splinter from the turtles. In the middle of them was a pile of human corpses, I think they were expired or close to death. It was one of the most gruesome scenarios I have ever set eyes on.

I realised that these people had been looking at me all of my life through the telly. Years and years of been spied upon. And now, for some mad reason, I could see them. It took all of their power away.

Adorned there, in white light, the only true spark in a field of misery, was a beautiful woman. “Are you the Orchestrator?” she asked me. This is the title I’ve been given by my enemies. I nodded. It felt like I’ve saved her, through the simple act of acknowledgement. And so she instantly became my wife.

Apparently, they were putting her in a sewing machine. Torture and all that crap. But I had saved her by perceiving her from a distant planet. I would have gone there in a heartbeat to save her. I did go there. I was present. The expression upon her features, even for a grandmaster wordsmith master master such as me, is extraordinarily difficult to describe. It was just utterly and totally utterly totally beautiful reverence and love. I took her as my wife there and then, and named her Lydia. She looks just like Clare Higgins from the first Hellraiser movie.

Imagine saving someone from an eternal sewing machine on a planet full of humanoid rats? How do you think they’re going to look at you? I looked back at her in exactly the same way. Reverence and adoration and awe and devotion and love. I’ll say that just one more time: Reverence and adoration and awe and devotion and love. There’s no other way of putting it. Never have I seen love so personified.

It was magical, but I had to get rid of my TV after that experience.