dark am i, yet lovely, a lily among thorns, majestic as stars in procession

dark am i, yet lovely, a lily among thorns, majestic as stars in procession
WHY DESTROY YOURSELF? WHY DIE BEFORE YOUR TIME? THE KEEPERS OF THE HOUSE TREMBLE. DESIRE IS NO LONGER STIRRED. DO NOT CONFORM ANY LONGER TO THE PATTERN OF THIS WORLD.

Sunday 14 February 2010

Celebrity Masterchef




"Yak Off with Gregg Wallace and John Torode"
from Newsjack in BOOK 12.

GREGG WALLACE: Let’s have a conversation about Rolf Harris’s cooking.

JOHN TORODE: Yeah. The Beans.

GREGG WALLACE: They were gluggy, they were gloopy, they were gloppy…

JOHN TORODE: With a beans dish, one has to use Heinz.

GREGG WALLACE: Ab-so-lutely. Yet we have a guy here who starts off with economy beans, mashes them to a pulp with a fork, zaps them in the mike until they bubble like crazy, adds a heap of chilli powder, then pours it out all over the toast like pigswill.

JOHN TORODE: His toast was terrible.

GREGG WALLACE: His toast was unbearable. It was soft, it was soppy, it was soggy…

JOHN TORODE: I’ve never seen someone use so much margarine to butter a couple of pieces of bread.

GREGG WALLACE: He asked me for another tub! I thought he’d lost the first one! Unbelievable.

JOHN TORODE: Okay. What about Titchmarsh’s treacle cake.

GREGG WALLACE: It was gummy, it was gluey, it was gooey… I thought my teeth weren’t going to make it through my one and only bite. I could literally feel them melting on the spot.

JOHN TORODE: He used too much cane sugar, he used too much caster sugar, he used too much beet sugar. The man knows nothing about sugar.

GREGG WALLACE: I was practically reaching for my phone to book the dentist.

JOHN TORODE: My skin broke out in spots just looking at it.

GREGG WALLACE: If he seriously thinks that anybody could possibly ever sit through that dish and still have a single tooth left in their head, then he needs some professional help.

JOHN TORODE: Agreed.

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