"Yak Off with Gregg Wallace and John Torode"
from Newsjack in BOOK 12.
GREGG WALLACE: Let’s have a conversation about Rolf Harris’s cooking.
JOHN TORODE: Yeah. The Beans.
GREGG WALLACE: They were gluggy, they were gloopy, they were gloppy…
JOHN TORODE: Yeah. The Beans.
GREGG WALLACE: They were gluggy, they were gloopy, they were gloppy…
JOHN TORODE: With a beans dish, one has to use Heinz.
GREGG WALLACE: Ab-so-lutely. Yet we have a guy here who starts off with economy beans, mashes them to a pulp with a fork, zaps them in the mike until they bubble like crazy, adds a heap of chilli powder, then pours it out all over the toast like pigswill.
JOHN TORODE: His toast was terrible.
GREGG WALLACE: His toast was unbearable. It was soft, it was soppy, it was soggy…
JOHN TORODE: I’ve never seen someone use so much margarine to butter a couple of pieces of bread.
GREGG WALLACE: He asked me for another tub! I thought he’d lost the first one! Unbelievable.
JOHN TORODE: Okay. What about Titchmarsh’s treacle cake.
GREGG WALLACE: It was gummy, it was gluey, it was gooey… I thought my teeth weren’t going to make it through my one and only bite. I could literally feel them melting on the spot.
JOHN TORODE: He used too much cane sugar, he used too much caster sugar, he used too much beet sugar. The man knows nothing about sugar.
GREGG WALLACE: I was practically reaching for my phone to book the dentist.
JOHN TORODE: My skin broke out in spots just looking at it.
GREGG WALLACE: If he seriously thinks that anybody could possibly ever sit through that dish and still have a single tooth left in their head, then he needs some professional help.
JOHN TORODE: Agreed.
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