Crimes of Fashion

Most crimes of fashion occur in post offices and batty boy clubs, but the worst offenders can pull it off simply sitting in their cars. Others can be guilty of multiple crimes of fashion at once. Here are both some common and not-so common examples:

1 Tucking a hoodie in
2 Black footwear and white socks
3 Wooly hats with enough free space on top to fit another head in
4 Caps slanted at preposterous angles
5 Trackies with shoes
6 Skinny jeans with belt hanging like snake
7 Blue jeans with blazer
8 Scarfs long enough to wipe your arse on
9 Turn-ups high enough to put your keys in
10 Over-sized pants all muddied and ripped at the bottom

More?

11 Wearing an open shirt over a fastened-up one (my invention)
12 Wearing a vest over a T-shirt (my invention)
13 Fish nets with trainers
14 A watch on each wrist
15 Mobile phone on a string around your neck
16 Ring on every finger
17 Loud Bermuda shorts
18 Wearing all your collars up
19 Footy socks above the knee
20 Dungarees


Girls can do a lot worse than:

1 Purple leggings
2 Rubber boots
3 Sleeveless tops
4 Any variety of suit
5 Bubble jackets
6 Dresses
7 Blouses
8 Tank tops
9 White almost-transparent combat pants
10 And my personal favourite......pyjamas in public & flower in hair

Ladies be aware that Gus Kidney (sorry G!) reckons the biggest fashion crime of all is having absolutely nothing on. That is so not sexy in any way as it reminds him of the holocaust gas chambers. So please......slip on some -