Perfect Litter

 I don’t believe you have ever seen a Staag label displayed like this. I say this because it was so difficult to get off the tin, being heavily glued and all. It took about 15 minutes to peel off. I started collecting litter during a stint in hospital last year, just before Christmas. We were locked in our rooms due to Covid and it was a real challenge keeping the mind busy. So I started making sure that I peeled labels perfectly, with no rips, from their contents. I even put up a poster in my room saying THIS IS A RECYCLING ZONE.

I’ve still got months’ worth of litter. Mainly I prefer particular chocolate bars from back in the day, that kind of classic confectionary with a sentimental value, but now as you can see I’ve moved onwards and upwards to cans of chilli con carne. That Stagg chill really is quite nice though, you know, absolutely beltin’, if I do say so myself. I’m not quite sure where I can take this hobby, I was thinking of decorating my walls with it all. But the key is no rips, tears or damage while unravelling the packaging. It can be very tricky on certain products. Club biscuits are the easiest. I might be wrong, but I’m thinking that something like a Pringles wrapper might be impossible. It depends how heavy they are on the adhesive. It’s nice to think though, that after all this time, and in freedom, this perfect litter game is still keeping me busy. I got a blog post out of it anyway.

I know what you’re thinking, by the way. Yeah – since when did I become so boring that I have to talk about litter? Maybe you know about blogging, or maybe you don’t, but let me tell you something…it is not all that easy. I’m not a journalist or a brief, with material and ideas falling out of my ears. I’m just a regular guy – perhaps not even that. I don’t have a career, or a family, or a glittering social circle with plenty of friends and acquaintances, nor any holiday experiences to write about: I’m just a bit of a redundant spazzy writing off his wits. Hey, who you calling a spazzy. This is motherf**kin’ G-Unit!

You know what I mean. Nothing special ever going on. I went out for a bevvie the other night with my G-Unit posse and after a couple of hours I was taking the knock, wishing I was back home reading Clive Barker on the sofa. That’s where I excel, in the comfort of home, with a can and a good book to read to my five angels. More about these five angels soon, I promise, I know that they’re not boring to you. They started when I invented some imaginary friends because I was overwhelmed in my flat by hate campaigners and bad spirits – the Devil, for a better word – so I had to pull something out the bag. I also have seven wife figures who accompany me but that’s a different story. They all form ‘My Muse’ so I’ll never be short of words to write about anything ever again. The only thing is, you have to be in the ‘write’ frame of mind to discuss such heavenly topics, and I hardly ever am! That’s it, keep coming back.