Temptation

Hiya White Voider, it’s nice to be with you again. I really mean that. I look forward to this time of the day when I can share some innermost thoughts with your good fine self. There’s nobody else who listens quite the same way. I called The Samaritans last night, it’s becoming a regular practice, I have a good heart-to-heart with them, but that Samaritan on the other end of the line is no White Voider. I’m 20 days in escaping from Class As and pornography, my target is 28, I’m not in all respects sure what happens after that. It gets harder from there if anything, so loads to prognosticate.

The temptation is not quite “all over me”, but it is present and dangerous. I fear the sex shop will have no new worthy interracial titles in stock. I’ve been buying the same ones over and over recently, after destroying them at home. I’m like a mouse on a wheel. As long as it’s a monster black phallus next to a pair of fine pretty lips, I ain’t that bothered. Although I am. The eyes are the windows to the soul and it is up to me what I let in there. I don’t wanna be a homosexual fag who watches porn all the time. If you are gay, then I apologise for my wording there. I have a gay friend called Mark who is a stand-up guy. He studied performing arts and is very theatrical. I would never refer to him as a homosexual fag, coz he’s great. But the blogosphere is another world. As you should be more or less on the road to finding out by now, anything goes here. Well, almost anything. Not quite. The darkest recesses of the human heart are like an unexplored wilderness.

Watched Napoleon last night. Just full of horses getting shot at. That’s all I’ve got to say about it. That, and the fact that he done his wife from behind – that was the best bit, Napoleon doing his gorgeous wife from behind. I wondered (it’s a 15 certificate) if any teenagers could possibly fap to a scene like that. Fake sex. We’re not talking soft core here, we’re talking fake. I think that that would not be beyond me in my youth. I’d fap to Eurovision or anything, or the free ten minute preview of the Fantasy Channel at midnight, if you remember that. Snippets of hard core for a precious ten minutes. Remember it!?

How exhilarating is sex in adolescence? Now in my mid-forties I can take it or leave it. I don’t follow my balls around all day like I used to, thinking with my willy. At one time there was nothing else. As Donnie Darko said, in the movie: “What’s the point of living if you haven’t got a dick?” That may be rude but I think it’s a very true statement. What is the point of living if you haven’t got a dick? You can take that from a sex addict of over twenty five years.