Dino Smasher

'Dino Smasher' is my local cocaine dealer. He got his name from psychosis. I thought I was on a different planet several years ago, it was called Big Blue, essentially the identical twin of this one except it was 50 times bigger and full of shape-shifting lizards pretending to be human with two Lucifers in charge instead of God. It was also 50,000 years into the future, so you can imagine the state of their technology, and you can imagine my concern walking around them all. I could see them a bit, perceive them a lot, and talked to them quite often. They skinned humankind every six minutes to get energy from drinking their blood, which they called “awesome sauce.” The biggest and best lizard on the planet went by the name of Dayton. He and all the rest of them, aside from their potentially devastating cruelty, had a massive sense of humour. Yes, I was on the menu, but Dino Smasher took me in under his wing and kept me safe. He was just a lad, but he could smash dinosaurs.

It was very scary. I was at my wit’s end walking around town with massive reptiles knocking about. Dino Smasher said that, as a resident there, he had to play a computer simulation for 23 hours a day. This crazy deal meant pain-infliction across the interweb. Somehow, you sat at a computer all day and hurt someone on a virtual reality zoom meeting. When you hurt them, they hurt you back, and on so it went until someone conceded defeat. This usually took 23 hours. He said his signature move (you had to be inventive) was crushing his adversary underneath an atlas stone from The World’s Strongest Man competition. Yeah, you could really feel it. The remaining hour left of the day he used for jogging. I know, jogging! After 23 hours of pain!

He phoned me this morning (again), asking me if I want any coke. I said no I’m okay for the moment thanks, but I am tempted by the sexy language he uses around the drug. He says it is currently ‘dynamite’, and calls an 8-ball a ‘Big Dog.’ When life gets tedious and boring, who couldn’t use a Big Dog of Dynamite? I know I could. But I must resist, because I want to get clean once and for all. Yet come on, how sexy does it sound: A Big Dog of Dynamite off the Dino Smasher…You’re interested, aren’t you? Don’t say that you’re not.

I’ll try and stay clear anyway, no matter how tempting it sounds. Any illicit drugs place me back into that lizard-esque psychosis I’m still currently running away from in a way, so I’m very cautious about ingesting them these days, especially since I don’t use porn any more. I have no porn to use, I destroyed it once it was gaining too much momentum in my personal life. I steadfastly recommend that, to give yourself a break. Incidentally, most lizards are now my friends these days, I hold them in high regard, right up there with the Archon.                         R E S P E C T.