Kissing RJ

I had a lapse on the amphet last Tuesday (it’s ruined my teeth), but now I’m 8 Days clean and back firmly on the wagon with God and Love in my heart. Those are the main two things in my life, not drugs and porn. It’s a constant battle but I can foresee an end in sight. Before this lapse I’d accrued 25 Days. Before that 25 I’d amassed 44. I’m definitely making progress. May my enemies live long so they can see it!

I’ve finished the Book of Psalms in the bible. It’s my favourite book in the whole thing, it speaks to me so much. I feel like it was written especially for me sometimes. The Lord is my refuge and my rock, my deliverer and my comforter, as long as I have faith then I’ll not be dragged into the pit beneath me, I’ll be safe and secure, living and breathing upon the glorious sunshiny surface. I’ve started reading Romans now, it contains my favourite quote of all time in it: “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” If I was to get a tattoo on my arm, I’d get that in clear font. None of that Old English Text, because the letters look vague. I’d get it nice and plain.

I went to a bible study last night, it’s nice to be around decent Christians for a change, instead of druggies and drinkers for example. I’m just on the up after getting over my lapse. The psychosis was insane as is per usual, but now I see good spirits to temper the bad ones, so it makes it all worthwhile. I have a Halloween mask in my bedroom with false hair and a hat on it. That’s what my protective spirit called Red Jacket occupies. She possesses it sometimes and moves its lips when she talks to me through it. Last week I gave her a kiss. I think her true nature in the spirit realm is a wolf, so it felt just a little bit like kissing an animal. I got my head around it because I love her no matter what she looks like. She said my breath smelled of tooth decay and cigarette smoke. Slightly insulting, but I admire her honesty. It was so special kissing a live real moving talking mask. We had a long conversation. As soon is it happened, all the other bad spirits present got insanely jealous of our love for each other and started attacking us both. One bad spirit started stabbing her repeatedly, he couldn’t comprehend the moment of intimacy we shared, something God has barred from his evil ways. I felt immensely proud of her. She fights the devil for me. She said she’s waited 64 years on the other side to meet me. I know it’s all a tad scary, meddling and all, but I’ve lost faith in humans and I’ll take my chances with ’em. Ta’ra for now.