dark am i, yet lovely, a lily among thorns, majestic as stars in procession

dark am i, yet lovely, a lily among thorns, majestic as stars in procession
WHY DESTROY YOURSELF? WHY DIE BEFORE YOUR TIME? THE KEEPERS OF THE HOUSE TREMBLE. DESIRE IS NO LONGER STIRRED. DO NOT CONFORM ANY LONGER TO THE PATTERN OF THIS WORLD.

Thursday, 16 May 2024

Forbidden

Day 43. I arrive with you today burdened with a lifetime’s worth of porn addiction. It feels like somebody else has been watching it for all these years; it doesn’t feel like me; I feel incapable of spending so much time with those big black swingin’ studs and their skinny white brides. It was always interracial for me, nothing quite ticked the boxes like that did. In all honesty, so much time watching the big fellas has left me feeling a smidgen queer. I spent just as much time looking at the men as I did at the women. The lines became all blurred and fuzzy. The bible warns about it, about a spirit of homosexuality taking precedence. I have to admit, at one point I was rocketed into unadulterated Gaylord status. I’d never seen anything like it before. If you’re anything like me, you’re probably not going to see a naked woman today. I’d put this to you also: You’re even less likely to see a naked man. Porn provides the only shop front where such treasures can be viewed. It ain’t happening anywhere else, baby. The erect penis is the most forbidden sight in all of reality, arguably. It’s banned from mainstream television, and almost anything goes on The Idiot Box. You won’t even see one on Love Island. If you do happen to see an erect penis anytime soon, be sure to let me know wont’cha? You know where to find me: Always here at the blog.

So we like our fellas BIG, we’ve established that. The funny thing is that I’m not even embarrassed about saying such a statement live-on-line, I’m just a victim in all of this shenanigans, and I’m kinda over it all now, or so it feels like. 43 days can be a long time. I feel a healing process occurring by sharing this information with you. If I was to go back to them with my pay packet, buying some new DVDs and scoring 8-balls, then I’d probably wanna delete this post and never mention anything like it ever again. But it’s a sign of how far I’ve come that I can talk about homosexuality and porn and stuff in this light, in this manner. Nothing bothers me when I’m doing well, life is just life, it is what it is, what’s the point of trying to hide behind it or stray away from it? What purpose does that serve? Better to call it what it is and move on.

I like my women preferably slim and painted-up (make-up), but I’m not all that fussy so long as they are getting drenched in man juice. Sounds disgusting, doesn’t it? I’m not proud to be writing this way, but like I just got done impressing upon you, it is life on life’s terms. It all feels like it is in the past for me now. The previous perspective takes away all its power. I can giggle and joke about watching someone else’s nob all night, splurting all over a young runaway and making her boat racer (face) look like a plasterer’s radio. I once viewed an eye-opening YouTube video about the secrets of the porn industry and the chaplain on it was telling me about how a lot of them are runaways and tearaways from broken homes and even trafficking victims. He put it into a sober light and I believed him. This coincided with one particular porn scene wherein the female actress was crying as she got wetted upon. Looking into the camera and crying. It really opened up a can of worms with me and made me question my morality. I was having a hard time (pun intended) fapping off to that scene. She looked so cute and sad.

I’m not about to say it’s all evil but would you be surprised if I did call it evil? It’s nature is very questionable to say the least, and that’s putting it mildly. It takes you off down a rabbit hole where pain is linked very closely to sex. It’s impact upon my life has been nothing short of evil. It’s made me estranged from my family, dampened my job prospects, and generally ripped the stitching out of a lot of my existence. Maybe that’s putting it harshly, as it is nothing without the powerful aphrodisiacs I use to view it with. The drugs have done all that, granted, not the porn, but they cannot co-exist independently of each other, they are a tag team born in Hell when they start interrelating. They were here before me, they’ll be here after me, and they are far more powerful than I’ll ever be. Or so they would have me believe.

Yis, I like make-up on my women, it does something to them, it dehumanises them and makes them like Barbie dolls. There’s no trigger like pink lipstick for a red-blooded male. There’s a bartender in Wetherspoons who makes me wonder about what kind of women he’s into. He looks like a bit of a player, you know, and it’s curious, isn’t it, perusing such matters? What women are you into? Or what men? Asking a homo what men he’s into is a very touchy question, I feel. No offence as well, by the way, if you are gay. You know I love you the same as if you weren’t. I mean come on, this is Anvil Samsara here. You know the script by now. God and Love rule around here. And they always will. I’ve not had them in my life for too long and I’m still high on their effect. I’m only an infant Christian, on the one hand.

I don’t mind overly enhanced breasts, but usually the waist isn’t far behind, in my experience. I’ve got a scenario in my head (here we go again) in which I am in a designer baby clinic making sexual partner clones for my own delectation. How would you make yours? What is your perfect woman? One thing is most likely certain for sure: She doesn’t exist in reality. And what I’ve found with most porn vids is that they are typically just young immature girls, who think it’s all a bit silly. You can go for the cougars and the grannies if you want to go for the cougars and the grannies, but they tend to be far flung up on the too-old end of the scale. It’s hardly ever just a fit mature mum named Jackie from next door, is it, and if it is, she’s likely to take up harbour within your soul and hang around for a long time in your consciousness. That’s why I destroyed The Celluloid Corridor (my porn stash), over 43 days ago.

 

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