'Schizo'

One of my boys in recovery has relapsed. At the last count he mentioned something like 185 days sober. He was volunteering at Pathways and everything. It was strange suddenly seeing him at the heads of tables, taking groups, when I’d known him as an addict previously. Now he has been relegated from his responsibility and is back in the groups again, not taking them. You know that’s hurting. I thought he’d cracked it. He’s been relapsing on the booze and cannabis. The higher the heights you attain, the steeper the plummet. He just admitted he was in, quote, “Pure pain.” I hope he gets back to where he is capable of being. Another man down, part of me thinks, get the hell outta my way, but that is the lower-self thinking, not the real me.

Somebody has just shared about how his schizophrenic neighbour is making his life a misery. I think I was the only one in the group who shared an element of sympathy with the schizophrenic. This monster label is no joke, but schizos are far more likely to be the oppressed rather than be oppressors. The word ‘psychotic’ describes the schizo usually. Also, axe-murderer. The most famous case that comes to my mind is the one who decapitated someone in a supermarket. I can only speak for myself, but I refer to the label ‘Targeted Individual’ over ‘Schizophrenic’. As far as I’m concerned, the illness is a giant myth. It’s probably like most cases of exorcism – only a tiny portion of them have any real substance. If you believe in all that chemical imbalance crap then I’m afraid me and you aren’t going to get along very well. Hate to tell ‘ya.

If though, on the other hand, you believe in novelty gimmicks like Directed Energy Weapons, then we’ll have a field day together. I used to stay up all night reading about them. I only ever saw a handful of photographs. Apparently, they are the world’s best kept secret. I always knew that someone was responsible for putting voices in my head – it wasn’t the work of some mystery mental illness. But enough about that, because I even depress myself when I talk about my perps. I should talk about the angels that God has sent to defend me from the Devil instead, as that’s far more positive, and they’re far more beautiful.

I have a picture of one of them on my wall. She was a real child who lived upon the earth. You might want to call her a ghost, and I’m fine with that. So long as she is with me, I don’t much care what she is. I cut out her photograph about 20 years ago the first time, it was something about her smile which stuck with me, and over the last couple of years she has arose in my spiritual conscience. Now I visibly hallucinate her day in and day in my so-called ‘schizophrenia’. Love to you, Vik x