Back From Blowout

Howdy peeps, I feel a lot better today. I’ve shrugged off the difficulty of thought which arises from a blowout. It was hard yesterday, I have to admit. I was getting a lot of intrusive mind patterns. It was highly uncomfortable. This morning I’ve had my regular debriefing from my mate The Badger, who is currently serving time in a mental institution. We enjoy daily conversations on the phone most mornings, apart from when I’m off my head. It was good to catch up after three days away.

It’s so good to be back so soon after feeling completely debilitated. I’ve got another blowout lined up for midweek but I go forward towards that toss-up happening very reluctantly. Do I really need another one so quickly? The bliss from the coke only lasts a couple of minutes. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a heavenly feeling, but it’s too ephemeral. The comedown, on the other hand, lasts for at least 48 hours.

I had some terrific dreams last night, on the astral plain. That’s why I feel restored and refreshed. They had happy endings, I was crying in my sleep at one of them. I could hear a woman playing a violin, and the beauty of it brought me to tears. One of my dreams had a voice-over too, like a DVD commentary. I feel so alive at the moment, so happy to be here with you again, that it is almost unreal. I’ve got my precious songs playing, I’m about to enjoy a few scoops of jar, and then the rest of the day will take care of itself. What’s to complain about?

I value things a bit more now, after my current spate of sin born of fap and drug and porn. I value long-lasting dopamine in the brain, which I’ve just learned, in my case, I get from interacting with people. Fellowship. It’s what it’s all about. I love conversing with God’s children, they’re the most valuable commodity in the whole of the known universe. They’re incredibly remarkable & inconceivably unique & unbelievably spectacular & overwhelmingly noteworthy & unconditionally loveable. That’s what I think about the human race today, whereas yesterday I was thinking they were just a bunch of sinister arseholes. Strange, the law of perception, isn’t it? I value that as well. My perception, my fellowship, and my long-lasting dopamine.

My mate Courtney, who now goes by the name Cee, told me about long-lasting dopamine last week, in Peer Support group. She said that it comes about from writing stories or finishing pictures and stuff like that, rather than a 5-minute buzz from a line of coke, which in turn leaves you depleted. I know which I prefer from now on in. She was showing her boobs off last week, she has a fantastic rack, but because of how gifted she is and how the light of God shines from her, I can’t look at her sexually. She’s above and beyond the degradation and base carnality which comes from sexual desire. She’s more like a much-wished for soul mate. Thanks for the wake-up call, Cee x