dark am i, yet lovely, a lily among thorns, majestic as stars in procession

dark am i, yet lovely, a lily among thorns, majestic as stars in procession
WHY DESTROY YOURSELF? WHY DIE BEFORE YOUR TIME? THE KEEPERS OF THE HOUSE TREMBLE. DESIRE IS NO LONGER STIRRED. DO NOT CONFORM ANY LONGER TO THE PATTERN OF THIS WORLD.

Thursday, 14 March 2024

Never-Ending Road

Deep in a psychosis one time I was on a road that I thought would never end. I was aware that it led back to Warrington, but one particular roundabout I knew lay on the horizon just would not appear. It was a long straight, a turn, another long straight, another turn, and so on. I started to get really doubtful at one instance about whether I had entered a parallel dimension. I considered the fact that this road may not in fact have an ending. What made it worse is that I started to perceive dinosaurs in the woods either side of this road. I could see their vague shapes out of the corner of my eye. I could hear them. The noises they were making sounded surreal, squeaking and purring as I hurried by. I didn’t feel threatened but I was aware that I could be in danger. It was the otherworldliness about it.

Every corner I turned, I thought to myself: Surely the roundabout I recognise is up ahead here at this one, but it weren’t, the road just crept on and on and on and on and on. It was like being in the Twilight Zone or something. I was getting hungry and thirsty and laboured and there was no explanation for it. The road would never end!

I remember that day well. I’d been driven out of town by a White Lives Matter rally. They chased me to the border of town because of my colour and I was forced to hike it to the neighbouring town, Widnes, which incidentally is my home town of origin. I’m not sure if the crowd that chased me out had weapons or not, I didn’t pay them too much attention as I was hastily getting out of their way, but I feared that they might have. It was several hundred strong. I encountered that never-ending road as I was making my way back home later that same evening.

The fear of that crowd is still with me today. I was battling the things in my head, all my ghosts and ghoulies and beasties and demons, but to be encountered by a rally in the flesh was something else entirely. It made all my nightmares real. I think it was simply a case of bad timing. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. The last thing a White Lives Matter movement wants to see is a black man prancing towards them as if he owns the place, which is the way I usually walk (like a Millwall fan); things just developed in such a way that they decided to pick on me and chase me. If I hadn’t of hurried up and got a wriggle on and actually being caught by them then things could have ended up a lot worse off for myself personally. I could have been badly beaten at the very least and maybe even something worse. I consider it a close scrape with vigilante law but it hasn’t dampened my enthusiasm or passion for the town, it was just one of those things and as I say bad timing.

 

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