Fresh Doodle Imagery

Membrane Entry

Blobby Launch Into The Nether

Shield Of The Cosmonaut

Sequential Focus

Festival Of Happenstance

Alternative Triple Forms Of
Inanimate Stone Monoliths

I know I can't draw for shite. I don't let it stop me though. Compared to the complicated digital compositions I like, these are utter garbage which don't make the grade. But do you know what...? They're mine.

I had a go at it, with just a few sharpies. Nobody helped me out or walked me through it. Children never back out of drawing, and neither do I, no matter how crap I think I am. I hope that you might have a go too if you are not already doing so. In a way, there's no getting it wrong. Whatever comes out is the result of a brave effort. It feels so rewarding and it gives you a break from life. You can do it anywhere, all you need is a table and a chair. Or an easel and acrylics, if you feel like showing off and teaching me how to do it. Maybe you're a digital artist who uses a tablet. Fair play to you. So long as we're all pulling our weight in Bohemia and staying thoughtfully inventive. It's not a competition. It's about having a crack of the whip at something.

Tomorrow I'm white water rafting in Lake Victoria with two broom brushes as oars.

#and eddie murphy in the back#

Chalk Girl

I seem to be listing random episodes of my life here in no chronological order. I perhaps would argue that none of it has been random, it has all been proper preordained across the linear plains of destiny. If it has been, then something went slightly wrong half an hour ago. I was due to meet a potential connection in a short skirt and vibrant make-up, but a jobsworth came between us on purpose and prevented our meet and greet from occurring. We might not have hit it off at all, although that is not the point. The young girl might have bolstered my spirits, and I her’s. Ah well, we can’t win them all. If our paths are bound to cross then I’m sure we’ll bump into each other again when there isn’t somebody in a position to shoo me away. If not, it’s okay, there’s no bitterness or bad blood. I’ll rather think of the real and trusted connections I have made over the time of my life.

>>>_______________________________💢

One connection the bad guys couldn’t come between was Chalk Girl, going back to the year ’97. She is so memorable. I was in a bail hostel, after a good six month sectioning, the talk of the town after setting my house on fire (which was all bullshit by the way). The council wouldn’t have me, my mum wanted nothing no more to do with an off-the-rails outlaw arsonist son, college was over, the only thing keeping me in check was an English teacher who remained in contact because she saw promise in my writing. I wrote an illustrated poem for her office wall to thank her. She’d bring me Pringles and Strawberry water in a goody bag. She’d pick me up, take me to my hometown to play out with my townies all day, then run me back home, all at her own expense in her free time with no burdens whatsoever. She thought she was steering me away from the dark side, but I was once so high in her car on the return 50 mile trip that I removed my garments on the back seat because I thought I was hyper ventilating…probably related to severe dehydration from too much amphetamines!  

>>>______________________________💢

Rest in Peace, anyway, English teacher. I won’t mention names because like so many other figures in authority who have or have had a hand in my life, it becomes a touchy subject and gets a tad complicated. I’ll have to name a dozen of them if I name one. She was a stern yet kind chisel-featured woman with a heavy swell of bosom, think of an attractive Blue Fairy in her late fifties. She passed away some years later, I was made aware of the sad news with a text message that aimed straight for the heart chambers. I used to write down all my text messages and emails onto note paper, to preserve a hard copy of all electronic transactions. I was kinda anal about things like that. A particular writer advised that one should never throw anything away to do with writing. Laminating shopping lists is going a bit too far though. One of my mate’s shopping lists was large enough to wallpaper the spare bedroom, he would say. Or was it the receipt from the supermarket? It was either the list or the receipt, one of the two. Either way, the excursion to buy weekly food would take him and his bird two whole hours. She insisted on perusing every single aisle in the store, one by one at a time. I’m in and out with a couple of Pot Noodles and microwave meals in under five minutes. Cor blimey! He said the only thing worse than shopping was watching Harry Potter in its entirety. 

>>>______________________________💢

Anyway, Chalk Girl. I was in this rough-arse bail hostel right. It’s all another story. Full of unforgettable characters. Chalk Girl is fit, OK. Same age as me, adorned in an angelic white flowing gown, sitting on my knee quite often and giving me a horn on…then one time while playing pool she takes the pool cue chalk and rubs it all over herself. Her face was like a blue mask. She smelled like a pastel factory. But it was the way she did it. It was so SEXY. It was like she was playing with edible food or something. She was licking the chalk with her pointy tongue and wiping it around her lips. WTF is wrong with this broad??? I was thinking. It was a private, personal performance. I should have swiped her into an empty bedroom and nailed her (or made passionate adolescent love, however you wanna describe it) but I was too stubbornly shy to do a thing about it. What I would do for a second chance with her! I wonder how she is getting on in later life? If she was an escort, I would pay 300 an hour. I have plenty of pool cue chalk at home because I’ve always been very careful not to lose it when I use it.

This post (approx 850 words) is dedicated to: Chalk Girl xx

Apocrypha

 Stopped posting pictures in case of copyright infringement. In this case however I will make an exception due to my heightened appreciation of all things well done + arty at the moment. The title word basically means things which are not accepted by the bible. I know that this honey pot will never be reprinted in holy works, but I like to think it belongs somewhere. Even if only in your eyesight, for a brief moment, now.

*_Madhead_*

(1) It’s not one of my earliest memories but it goes well back and it stands alone in nostalgia. Me and all my townies got a bus to Saint Helens to a nightclub called Suburbia. It was the first nightclub I had ever been to. I knew nothing about nightclubs. I can’t remember hardly any details, apart from slurping cider on the way. My boy Kon would offer a drink to ‘The Departed’ every other swig from his bottle. He would take a gulp, spill a generous glug onto the floor, take another gulp, spill another generous glug onto the floor. He maintained that he was respecting the dead, yet we all knew he just couldn’t handle the idea of a full bottle of cider to himself. It was hilarious walking behind him and watching him waste perfectly good alcohol. 

(2) I had barely entered the dark smoky club when I got punched in the face by a beefy bruiser who appeared about ten years older than me. The force of the blow almost launched me back outside the doorway. I remember staggering across what felt like twenty yards of dance floor, desperately trying to stay on my feet. Eventually I crashed into someone and they helped me stand up straight. I didn’t go down then but I have been down since and I am not ashamed of it. I am no Joe Calzaghe who never gets beaten in his entire career. I believe you learn more from being down than from knocking someone out. It’s much harder a challenge getting back to your feet than it is performing a victory parade around the ring. Or is it? Those winning celebrations look awkward.

(3) The dig left an imprint of his sovereign medallion in my cheek bone. Thankfully there was no blood and nothing was bust or broke. It was an amazingly unprovoked violent assault. I didn’t even look at him funny. I didn’t see it coming. I can only imagine he didn’t approve of the tone of my skin, or my brand new top bought especially that day from the market for that occasion, which was distinctively black and white striped, like the Newcastle home jersey. Maybe he took offence to my afro hairstyle, or maybe I smelled a bit, who knows what exactly was running through the maniac’s mind when he decided to smash an innocent reveller’s face in with his old bejewelled knuckles?

(4) Anyway, the memory I’m arriving at is simply of me and a girl in there I met dancing together on an elevated stage…when, that is, I recovered from that bad, angry man. That’s it really. All there is to it. But I’d like to share a bit more about her: My mates called her Madhead, because of her outrageous personality. She had a glow stick and a whistle and was dancing all over the show. I matched her move for move, we made a great young couple together, two young souls practically joined at the hip with chemistry for one another. I couldn’t dream of approaching a stranger now and dancing with her on a stage at the front of the dance floor anywhere, but back then it all came so naturally. I remember us being bathed in disco light and jumping up with our arms as if reaching for the stars. This memory is over 30 years old. A lot of my memories are in danger of being erased or hacked by the Thought Police who are more than active here in 1^st World England. That’s why I thought I’d shed a little light on this particular retention.

(5) If I had a time machine I’d revisit that precious sequence of pleasing events where I was bopping with Madhead. It was so glorious it was almost impossible. For a shy introverted fellow like me anyway. She made a dramatic entrance back into my life about 25 years later, and offered me another jiggy flirtation. I had to politely decline her, for I was surrounded by bloodthirsty shape-shifting carnivores in Subway carpark at the time. That’ll be the psychosis again. Any other time babe, I promise xx.

Call-In

I'll be back posting ASAP about topics more positive in the foreseeable up and coming future. All is fine just in case you give a f**k, I'm in dandy spirits and hope you are too. I feel like I am encroaching upon the ideology of love again, which has been in doubt for quite some time. I've been half-considering myself unworthy for multiple reasons, mostly because of those hurled at me by external accusers, but now I'm rediscovering myself and learning that I am still an emotional well-rounded being capable of bearing much fruit.

So stay with me over the course, we'll figure things out together. Let's not be subservient to victimology, but rather reign supreme through self-expression and self-understanding. I sound like a modern age guru don't I? Better than a relapsing mental patient!

Or is it? There's a space and a place in our grand vast copious ample and abundant kosmos for all things, including me sat here halfway across the world (or in the same town) banging on about lessons I've learned from the bible.

I'm gunna talk about some girls who have made a impact upon my heart soon. Stick around for the not so gory details.

  

Charlotte

(1) Having a few more thoughts about trying (trying) to expose my perps here. Got several photos from online, and juicy titbits of personal info about them, but who will believe me, and how far will it go?

Who cares who is doing what to whom? Who else, exactly, cares?

I’ll look bitter and defensive, posting piks here, and engaging in slander matches.

I’ve contemplated contacting the police in writing, but then I remember the times when they (a) snapped my neck during arrest (b) tasered me from behind when I wasn’t looking, and (c) laid to rest my younger brother.

So, my trust in them has all but evaporated.

There is an MP, however, my local MP. I wonder if she will take an interest.

(2) I tried contacting her in the past, via phone, and was met with a temperamental secretary who insisted I only correlate by virtue of email. I suppose I ought to pen her a letter. First, I have to create the letter (with pictures of several said perps), then mail it to her. Should I include a stamp addressed envelope?

The police won’t listen, I’ll tell her. They already performed a, b and c all over me.

Perhaps I’ll do it here, get it off my chest, and leave it be.

Although my local MP, named Charlotte, has been playing on my mind for an awful long time. Her name has been popping up all over the place. She even appeared in the supermarket the other day, when I found myself wondering about her constituency while firmly planted flatfooted in front of a display of Charlotte potatoes.

I never even knew that Charlotte was a type of potato.

(3) BULLSHIT YOU WILL NEVER REPORT THEM THEY ARE TOO POWERFUL THEY WILL HURT YOU WHILE YOU SLEEP THEY WILL TORMENT YOU IN THE DAYTIME BY WHISPERING PROMISES OF HURTING YOU WHILE YOU SLEEP THEY WILL HURT YOU WHILE YOU SLEEP THEY WILL HURT YOU WHILE YOU SLEEP!

I know, I am too scared…

Tying A Knot And Hanging On

(1) Sorry I’m not as topical as I used to be. Mainstream affairs and side interests take the back seat when your very life is under threat. I’m trying to coldly detach myself from what’s going on. The autonomy of the mind is hard to drop though. I find myself stubbornly defending myself in the face of devastating adversity. It’s to no use. They find my reasonable explanations boring, my humour non-contagious, and my free-thinking a direct threat.

The best I can do is become a more rounded emotional being. I’m striving to do this by keeping my heart open. When all around the people I trust are betraying me. It’s only sly insults under their breath, and unpardoned sneaky videos on their phone, but the tally adds up.

What’s the point in living, if there’s no one you can trust?

That’s a line from one of my own poems.

I’ve started writing another poem about the Critter behind the washing machine, but I’ve yet to finish it.

Last night I had a screaming woman sounding off in my head all night. They change their tactics a lot, but a constant visual screaming woman I’ve yet to deal with. Stronger today. 

(2) It’s important to drop your vices eventually, I feel, if for nothing else but the sheer principle of it. I can’t remain hooked to women forever. Not the ones in knee-high boots, sporting whips. I might never be able to move on.

I’m making great strides forward with my chief narcissists. I’m seeing them, wholly and fully, for the bored childish bullies they are. On the other hand, I now view myself as something great in the cosmos compared to them. This is weird on every level, as I hate comparisons. Whenever somebody treats me nicely, or I get shown respect, my heart rejoices. Because so much of my time is spent vying to ignore a heartless argumentative goon squad.

Another day survived then, it looks like. I doubt I’ll be jumping off any bridges this evening, or stringing up on a flimsy curtain rail. Or overdosing on heroin. I should be so lucky. I’m shirking away electromagnetic, mind-scuppering ruffians instead. But now it’s different. Oh so different.

Suppressing my hatred, my bitterness, my impossibly deep revulsion, and speaking the truth in a calm voice. No fits of anger, no spouts of rage, no flashes of bad temper. Yet still they maintain that I am endlessly responding to their pointless mind games. The God’s Honest would kill them.

(3) I met a remarkable gentleman who believes me. He suspects clairvoyance. I was so made up he didn’t use the term chemical imbalance. My tormentors threw a hissy fit when we connected, and I perceived supernatural light emanating from his body as we spoke.

My life is kinda like that. There was a lot more to it, but I haven’t the energy or the time to properly dissect proceedings here at the honey pot today. Maybe another time, eh.

Invisible foes and voices in the head. You wouldn’t wish it on your worst enemy would you?

I hold out that I belong in Heaven. This they cannot handle.

I don’t like giving them airtime, but gone are the days talking about pottery. Not unless I sign up for the local midweek ceramics class! I’d ordinarily think about it, but it’s full of women. I’d be the only bloke. I know this because I walk past it every week in the Old School, and clock what’s happening through the window.

There’s as much chance of me making a sixth studio album than churning out another clay sculpture. I miss them both sorely. Now I have to settle for this, complaining about being battered to someone I will never meet. No offence there. Perhaps we were close buddies in a previous life. Who knows for sure stuff like that?

Erika Baggage Returns

It began with the lock-in at the Coach & Horses. My bestie wouldn't take no for an answer. She rampantly insisted I ride along with her to watch a dangerously obese kebab shop owner called 'Johnie Two Shots' make his own rules up in a pool comp. At one point the white ball flew off the table and only marginally missed smashing someone plum-full in the face. I kid you not. It could have cracked her dentures, blackened her eye, or broken her nose. The strange thing was, she didn't notice the flying object narrowly avoid potentially costing her a visit to A&E and maybe ruining her looks. She was in the middle of telling a joke...something to do screaming chimpanzees, meat paste, and blenders.

His bestie (a sex pest going by Archie Trickle), tried to seduce me with a pricey novelty phone that could project its screen onto the ceiling in IMAX proportions. He showed us a video of himself busy at work fitting a Formica table top in a celebrity’s residence. I think he name-dropped the celeb as Noel Edmonds, who wasn’t available for a signature, a selfie, or even a brief hello. Apparently, he was away filming a documentary in a high-end grooming parlor.

I wasn’t the least bit impressed by his futuristic mobile, his equally statement-making leather two-tone cowboy boots, or his diabolical beard lights. Beard lights are like mini Christmas decorations in a man's facial hair. I kept expecting them to start flashing rhythmically, but they never did. Perhaps they were a purposeful intended distraction, to free his gaze up for snatching glimpses at my deep plunge cleavage.

He never commented on my tits, but he did keep pointing at them to his mates. He accompanied this repeated mannerism by dry humping with his crotch.

A brief extract from Erika’s doorstop opus, “What not to think about when engaged in affairs of minutiae down the local boozer with people you do not care about.” (22 word title)

Quick Acknowledgement

🙋>>>Yo there, just dropping in. In case anyone cares, I feel like I am doing great. There was an awful day coped with/dealt with on Tuesday, but I got thru it and emerged strengthier. Nothing to do with me, I was hit hard with psychic attack (all that modern warfare palaver), yet now I feel blessed with beer, meat, and music - not to mention a fully regenerative self-sustaining brain rhythm!

Which might be wiped out any given second, by the way. The Thought Police aren't too keen on free-thinking dissidents who use government terminals to spread the so-called illusion of self-empowerment.

Personal Note: Stop referring yo yourself as a dissident!

I'm a Mason really. I do good charity work. Yesterday I sprayed my nametag in bright yellow graffiti over the parish entrance.

I hope that the painted dolls don't get me. My loins haven't stirred for quite some time and I'm getting anxious about when (or hopefully if) they might. Desire can lead to ruin. I must remain vigilant. I'm getting by with cold lagers and phat dinners. Better than white powders.

And leave out the narcotics!

I am worth more than the shite I fill my veins with! It is not even me who does it, but a sarcastic jinn named Simon. He lives in the weak and the wounded!

Stop calling yourself weak...

Sorry, running off course there. I want no talk about sex or drugs. There are other things going on. Like you, for example.

How are you doing? Trust me, it's important. You matter.

Hope you're staying creative and pure in spirit. Keep up the good work. It's a delight for our minds to connect over this web juncture, but I have to leave you alone to fend for yourself at this critical turnpike, as I unfinished bid'ness to contend with.

I have to put a certain woman to sleep. And I don't mean tuck her into her Teddy Bedding. I'm on about expunging her from my consciousness. She won't lie down flat dead easily though. I might need backup. 

Do you know how to rid yourself of All-Sexy Jezebel? With her twin jailbait pigtails, her scratchy talons, and her frig-me boots? Not to mention all the rest of it. Why do I keep banging on about her so much? Mention God and The Angels for once...damn you... 

(give me those eyes) she says

I've been using my penis for pissing only. Is that a decent idea, or should I put it to more pleasurable purpose? As if I haven't done that far enough too much already.

I've been "blowing my beans" far excessively across the span of my adult life.

Although, in my defence, I haven't "blasted everywhere" since Mistress Lola the escort came a'round last Saturday week.

Threat To Humanity

There’s this huge drama about AI wiping out humanity. Like many I assume, there’s a lot of befuddlement about how exactly this might happen, and where the fear is arising from. My knowledge of AI sprouts from the Terminator franchise, when Cyberdyne Systems went active. Or was it online?

This looks slightly more threatening than the Millennium Bug. That was just a bunch of clocks resetting themselves.

When I’m searching for artwork across the web, I often type in AI after my general search descriptors. I don’t mind pictures done by a computer, they have a polished and slick effect to them, as if they have just popped out of cutting-edge printers.

But how can a glossy illustration outdo mankind’s efforts to preserve his own fate?

I worked it out for myself. It’ll be the robots, as Hollywood’s Terminator suggested. Only they won’t be mercenaries sent from the future, arriving in a bubbly, sparkly, globular portal; it’ll be a police officer. Off the back of a Black Mariah.

AI cop arses. I’ve heard they already have them in China.

It’s hard enough arguing with the human ones. Don’t just ask George Flloyd, ask my younger brother. They both suffocated in custody.

They have AI police (or cop arses) in the sci-fi hit Elysium (2013). I can’t believe it took me so long to join the dots. Our only hope is that the robots, when arresting us for deportation, start dribbling white fluid from the mouth and malfunction. It wouldn’t be the first robot I’ve seen hit a major glitch in its programming. Some of them even have a habit of spontaneously combusting on the spot.

All that propaganda about the robot Olympics is smoke and mirrors – they really want them for law enforcement.

A brick shit-house metal AI pig with The Voice Of God weapon and a stun gun...

...you're going with him!

I recommend you buy an attack dog, to set on the electronic cop arse when he (or should I say it) comes to detain you – if he hasn’t brought his own counter-attack robot dog with him. He might have one with three heads, like Cerberus.

Loud Music (DNF)

 My neighbours are complaining that my music is too loud. They don’t like my favourite song, “F**k Everybody”, played when I wake up in the early hours of the morning. The thing is, I’ve been thinking that I’ve been listening to my tunes with headphones on. But, and it’s a big but, my headphones haven’t been plugged in.

I’ve been sat there, at daft ‘o’ clock, blasting hellish symphonies out into the residencies, believing I was in private enjoyment. In reality, the headset was muffling my interpretation of the speakers’ thundering decibels.

I’m surprised the police didn’t turn up.

Maybe the neighbours were terrified of ringing the 50, because I’d warned them, the previous week, when singing thru their letterbox after half a litre of Jim Beam, and I quote, # “If you even think about phoning the busies I’ll burn your children alive and eat their barbecued remains in front of you.” #

I was having a bad day at the time. I mean morning. Early morning.

They actually wrote me a letter of complaint. I didn’t read it, but I have framed it and hung it on the wall. He has beautiful handwriting, Joe does. He signs his name with a pentagram drawn after his name, in red biro pen.

unfinished

24/7

I’m beginning to share, in apology, about narcissistic abuse. I tell them that I am getting over my mental issues but still chained to the drink. I could say that a satanic narcissist dedicated to nail-gunning my ballbag to a tree finally got around to doing it over the weekend, and they would only be interested in me reducing my overall consumption of alcoholic units. It’s not seeming to go down very well. Must be quite a rare thing, having your brain pulverised daily by a narcissist.

I didn’t tell them that my oppressors are falling over each other like bashed skittles in order to chip away at me. They remind me of rabid scavengers. I’ve truly adopted it into my heart now that they are nothing much more than oppressed themselves, even if only by their complete inability to see anything further over the horizon apart from their odd and startling obsession with me, which is mad as f**king anything and takes some believing.

I thought I had an infatuation with Canadian Alexandra (less said the better). I wrote my best novel all about her, which took four years, plus many many hours watching her onscreen. In the end I grew out of her and moved onto other women. No matter how beautiful someone is, there is always another equal or improved model around the corner on Life's Highroad. I’ve never hoped my perps would find another ‘victim’ because that would be passing the buck. They might settle for a school girl with no lived experiences to help her cope with the bizarre attention. At least I am a grown ass ugly bloke. That’s why I have a hard time comprehending their twisted voyeurism. If I was a pretty woman, I’d understand it.

I couldn’t stare at another fella all day. Not even Elvis Presley or Christian Slater or Dwayne Johnson. Not even if they had piglet roasters (large penises) buried inside every individual of Little Mix.

I don’t fancy these dudes by the way, they’re the first three geezers I could think of.

If the entire universe, in its mammoth breadth of limitless entertainment options, is not enough to distract my voyeurs from removing their concentration span away from me for more than two seconds, then you might ask yourself then what possibly can? I wish I could tell you the answer.

Even God The Creator himself is not as interesting as me to them. They are utterly immersed and absorbed with every single individual thought in my napper. For years I thought I was getting head-fucked, as they call menticide around here these days, but now I understand that they are simply making a show out of lifeform by revealing how hopelessly inadequate they are at fending for themselves. Why feel the need to eavesdrop on me and follow me around like spaced-out lemmings all day long?

The worse they can do of late is give me dream manipulations, which no doubt cheers them up a bit. Gone are the days of old when they would drive me out of town or into a secure ward. I bet they still weren’t happy when I thought they were demoniac activity, much less now, when I know they are cowards and retards.

That’s the difference.

If their silly little pathetic games had gone according to plan, they would have had me in their clutches by now (with no skin on, as they say, locked in a cupboard somewhere, with some prick sticking drawing pins in me) sincerely believing that they were powerful supernatural entities from a different planet. And guess what? I would sincerely believe it. If someone is physically hurting you and you are cuffed to a chair in their soundproofed utility room, you tend to agree with whatever bullshit they are offloading your way.

Mute Point

Hi there, welcome to my honey pot. I hope you are interested in what resides here. I’d be delighted if you arrived here with purpose, actively seeking my material, rather than end up hanging around here by accident. However you found this, it’s most pleasantly pleasing to me if you stick around a while. There’s a Chaos Chronicles sidebar on the web version so you can discover my long history of creative expression utilizing the word which so far is over a decade and a half strong. In the past are also a lot of JPEGS nicked from the net. I liked a visual picture to compliment the written article. I do wonder though if the artists favour their work being highlighted on someone else’s site. I doubt they mind, but I’ve stopped it just in case they do. Now and again, if I see a memorable pik, I’ll swap it over to here.

What kind of art work are you into? I wouldn’t mind viewing angels fighting demons, or robots dancing with dinosaurs. I couldn’t dream of sketching anything like that. The best I can do is a copycat tracing of a female movie star holding a gun.

_______________________

I’m in fantastic adoration of the idea that you are viewing this sweet spot on your mobile, commuting to work, or resting peacefully on a recliner at home. I’m new to global readership so please forgive the way I address you, if I come across as a bit of nobhead. It’s nice not to be alone, and to be in contact with readers I wholeheartedly respect, no matter what race or creed you may happen to be.

For years I’ve been penning novels and discarding them unread into drawers. They remain unpublished and dog-eared in scrap piles. I have written manuscripts and bound printed rewrites. I own a sackful of chapbooks with illustrated covers which I sometimes hawk in the city sat on a bench with a camping table in front of me. One demented Ghana dude tried to buy from me with those Connect 4 plastic tokens. He thought my artistic signature was Hebrew.

_______________________

I’ve lost so much in my life, it’s hard to believe, I hold fast to this blog with everything. I fear the day when gremlins and glitches hack it and erase my testimony. Hopefully I’ll encounter nothing but a mass heart attack and it will remain here to be read by my nieces and nephew in the future, who want to know more about their estranged uncle. I must be honest, I find it hard working out where to start when it comes to blogs. That’s why the latest post has to be a good offering. If anything happens to me, I have not stopped blogging and left you in the dark, I’m simply brown bread (dead), or hospitalized. Even when I forfeit God’s grace and relapse into vice, I am still able to come here however lowly and face the music. Sorry, I f**ked up, I might say. Please forgive me.

_______________________________

Painted Jezebels with rocket knockers are planning my ruin. Knowing my stupid reasoning skills, I might choose their delights any day of the week. In actual fact, my dealer has just rang me a moment ago. I have several XXX movies I have not thrown away, loitering in my DVD collection. I’m doing really well at the moment, but I am a flawed human being with weaknesses like anybody else. I have a penchant for the flesh, I am surrounded in town by stunningly looking women, the idea of erotic escapism is prevalent in my mindset. My fetishes are multitude, my addictions are poly, my cash flow is able, my wanting is almost irrefutable. I’m denying myself sexual pleasure in order to be a better man, a more righteous man, a man who doesn’t seek cheap thrills to temporarily distract himself from reality.

                    (💥💥💥💥💥💥💥)

I'm off to drink bargain lager and go shopping now. With luck I'm not walking into a relapse. I thought I was over it all but you never know. The disease of addiction is cunning, baffling and insidious. I heard of a 25 year relapse and following suicide recently. It's scary shit, man. We walk over our kids for a bag of white. We empty their piggy banks for a dig of brown. Nothing Else Matters With Us. If we can afford it, we need our fix.

My mind has been wandering around so much lately, I've been thinking of the wonderful and positive things I can be or achieve. Not by earning a crust or saving the whale, but by being successful mentally and having no woes or worries. They do say that it's all in the mind. Mood is so important, you can have a Bentley on the drive but if you're too depressed to drive it then what use is it. You could have a suitcase full of cash, but no idea how to spend it. If you are relatively happy in your own mind, then what bother can the world throw at you?

APPROX WORD COUNT: 850

Bearing Up

My Addictive Brain wants me to attack coppers. I’ve reached boiling point. No amount of beautiful female backing vocalists can soften my soul. I need to attack coppers.

I reckon George Floyd’s family feel the same way. I lost my younger brother in custody too. He died on the floor of a police cell. It’s a long story, and I won’t go into it, but it was on the news, I had the footage on my PC, we attended an inquest, they got off the hook with slapped wrists.

Maybe I’ll tell you all about it one time.

His death (or murder) could have been avoided by thirty seconds of universal happenstance coincidental karmic synchronicity. If only his mother had returned from shopping to the house sooner. Or if only my dad had been at his fighting weight, ten years younger.

As I’ve just said, it’s a long and complex story.

I don’t really need to beat coppers up, I’m only fooling around there.

Already done it.

I launched a violent assault on three of them in the past. I thought they were shape shifting grizzly bears in humanoid form wearing multi-threat hi-visibility vests. I thought their motor was a nature pen on wheels, wherein I would be transported to some kind of sicko zoo in a far-flung region of this unhinged permanently shifting cosmos we unwillingly inhabit against our will.

I was stranded in a wild forest reserve at the time, after having traveled miles away from home in a desperate bid to escape those pesky gang-stalkers I’m always ranting on about. Why I was scared of them in the first place I do not know. They have a habit of getting to you from time to time. Usually when you’re enfeebled from your own false-givings.

I remain quasi-convinced that someone released a real bear into the park I was running around bare-ass naked in, lost in a rare cheaply-afforded drug-induced flowery flamboyant psychosis. I saw one, I really did, I saw one. It wasn’t a hallucination. Reality check here, Andy. Ah, there. Breathe. Relax. Think rationally.

These days my aggressors plant animals in my very own living room when I am conked out off poisonous drugs which I unwittingly purchase as Class As. I might have already told you that. They sneak open the patio and plonk in an exotic mammal. I'm isolated and vulnerable with no support network, so they think they can get with anything.

When appalling tactics like this occur, I have to adopt my inner jungle instinct. My native dark African interior self-ready dramatic baboon reveals itself. No wonder they call me a monkey.

I once ingested ketamine and turned into this common leaping baboon on Burger King car park. There were no other animals present, apart from my lazy friend who I shall not name, who was kinda representing a sloth. He's so slow, he'd be late for his own funeral. He walks backward in a comatose state most of the time.

But back to bears...it's important to remember this about them:

If it's brown, just lie down. If it's black, it's okay to fight back. If it's white, say good night.

I stood up to the one I encountered and started doing star jumps while clapping my hands. Then I grabbed a big stick and chased it away. Seriously. Loads of barmy things have happened to me. This is the kind of wacky foolishness which happens when you get targeted by governments and private enterprise for a living.

I sometimes felt like someone had volunteered me for an episode of The Crystal maze, with Rob Zombie's Spooky Surgeon in control of proceedings. Rob Zombie is a horror director. You may have heard of him. I don't mind mentioning his name here at the honey pot. If you think he's disturbing, then you should meet the distasteful characters who are clinically obsessed with stalking me around the clock everyday of the week.

It takes some mettle to meet them with cold detachment, in order to cope. I used to share jokes with them, when they love-bombed the daylights out of me. These days I straightforwardly insist they go away. To no avail of course. I'd say they don't listen, but they listen intently perpetually, even when I'm talking (or thinking) bollocks. They just don't listen to me when I'm telling them to crawl into a lonely corner and die alone somewhere.  

I wish they did. But then what would I write about? A Mills & Boon bro-mance?

APPROX WORD COUNT: 750

Rapture

Payday. Boom Boom. Ker-ching. But I am not buying soul-destroying chemicals! Not unless my usual escort invites herself around to show off her new breast implants! Then I might succumb! I might soon be snorting rip-off novocaine from her deep plunge veiny cleavage! Don’t say you wouldn’t do the same!

Talking about sexy women. There’s one or two in apology class. I get close to them, let my feelings known, and then they poop on me with a hurtful comment. For some reason, I attract hurtful comments. They all cannot friggin’ help themselves. I think it’s because they envy my upbeat state of mind, megalomaniac mood and cheery personality. I suspect they are reading my thoughts, somehow. I may have mentioned that before. They seem to know so much about me. Strangers, associates, family members, the lot. They all give the game away. All that results from it is me walking away. I’ll save my attention for those who deserve it. If such a select few worthwhile people exist, that is.

James Herbert said that there is ‘Nobody True’.

“Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy.”

I shared about rapture today. I think that’s why I was on the receiving end of a backlash. I’m in a room with druggies and drunks; I shouldn’t be bragging about happiness, I suppose. My girl Grace thought rapture was an evil word. I had to explain biblical trumpet sound. In Jesus name naturally. Whose other name would I discuss biblical trumpet sound in?

I’ve been thinking about smiling porn stars smoking weed in the morning before performing on a set. I’ve been thinking about standing up to all my adversaries in the name of God. I’ve been thinking about how boring life can be at times, if you’re not thinking about anything.

This isn’t enough for me, in a way. I need to write florid prose about a character in a plot. And a character who knows a character in a subplot. My next tale will be entitled The Museless, I’ve already made bitty headway into it. The title tells its own story. It sounds like its about losing everything that ever inspired you, and the desperate places you travel to from there. Fortunately I ended up somewhere safe and secure, or I wouldn’t be able to deal with the concept.

I’m fundamentally pleased with where I am at the moment. I don’t mean to come across as an emotional snob, because I know that our kids are killing themselves. I should be able to empathise, as I tried it myself on multiple occasions. I have enormous compassion for suicides and self-harming.

_______________________________________

You are reading the words of

CHOSEN, 

SUPER EMPATH 

and TARGETED INDIVIDUAL.

________________________

That’s me. Among other things.

Hope you have a fancy name too! Like Johnie Kick Doors Down! Or The Chip Shop Torturer! Hell, even something like Walter Mellon would suffice.

It doesn’t harm you does it? As long as you identified yourself. You wouldn’t want someone like a shrink labelling you, would you? Otherwise I'd be nothing more than a mental patient who can't prevent himself from lighting uncontrolled indoor fires. It's a pity I don't set my neighbours house on fire. A blessing for them, but a pity for me.

Back soon. Enjoy what remains of your day...

Considerable Progress Maintained

👸Forgive me, for I need to discuss my harassers again. I don’t mean to bring the universe down on purpose, but they are presenting as mentally unwell. I think I am on their medication. For years I thought I was the unlucky one by having to listen to their repetitive hassle: Their inexplicable obsession of my mental processes appears to be far worse however.

I feel like the guilty party all of a sudden.

Can’t they turn me off or something? They seriously need to pull the plug when it comes to eavesdropping on my thoughts. By the recent kip of them, it isn’t doing them any good whatsoever, only rising their stewing funky hatred of me (because I won’t shut up), causing them to trip over one another in order to get a word in (which I’ve heard a thousand times), and generally being too incomprehensibly small and insignificant to adequately describe.

I feel big today. Probably small tomorrow (they always come back at me with something), but large and in charge at the moment.

Having plenty of amusing ideas, talking healthily to myself, and sneaking a few unhindered images onto my visual cortex without their pesky thought deletion tactics going on. In short, I’m able to (partially) think freely again. This totally and utterly sends them into a frenzy. They want me on the mattress wiped out cognitively, so they can reiterate how much they dislike having to analyse my finger motions twenty four hours of the day. Only joking, they are not that honest.

"Every time they open their mouths exposes another dirty lie."

I always half-believed they were having the time of their lives torturing me. By simply refusing to feed their narcissistic supply of attention, living my own life, and delighting in my discovery of peace and joy, it is now me who is torturing them. They hate me because I don’t hate them. They don’t leave me alone because they cannot bear to be with themselves for a single moment. They they they they they…

Why do I even bother giving them this airtime? Perhaps dealing with them once and for all will enable me to lock them in a cupboard and finally forget about them.

Only better thing than a cupboard is the front page of a newspaper.

I don’t think they fear exposure, or even losing me. I think they dread their terrible vulnerability and fragility being made known to those who they have deceived into respecting them with steadfast devotion through a reign of false power obtained through lies and secrecy over the years. They sometimes brag about kidnapping people. I regularly offer them all a fist fight straightener on my lawn any time, they can even bring backup and weapons if they want, because I just ain’t scared of them anymore. Mainly because I can see right through them. They make themselves out to be blood-letting monsters, but they are just bored emotional vampires who need someone else down in the dumps to feel moderately more less miserable about themselves.

A very small part of me pities them. I sure would hate to be one of ’em.

I think of myself as a master story teller, but even I’m not as infatuated with me as they are with me.

Would you want to spend eternity with someone you hate? It makes not a scrap of sense to anyone. Yet they always declare eternal bandwidth with me. Whatever the hell bandwidth means. Isn't it something to do with radios?

I refute them. I deny them. I reject them.

Yet I do not hate them.

REST IN PEICES, EVIL PERP.