dark am i, yet lovely, a lily among thorns, majestic as stars in procession

dark am i, yet lovely, a lily among thorns, majestic as stars in procession
WHY DESTROY YOURSELF? WHY DIE BEFORE YOUR TIME? THE KEEPERS OF THE HOUSE TREMBLE. DESIRE IS NO LONGER STIRRED. DO NOT CONFORM ANY LONGER TO THE PATTERN OF THIS WORLD.

Thursday, 2 April 2026

Very Old Jpegs






Francesca, 30

i hear voices too. have done since my teens. they counted my calories for me. i had weight gain issues. i would rely on one single product on the market to keep the fat off. it gave me the runs. i spent more time on the toilet than I did in class. the voices could see what i was doing. they told me to collect stool samples to show my doctor, to label them with dates in purple pen. i almost did. they told me to do a lot of things, including telling my younger sister she was adopted, giving up my room at the ratty, a hostel for the homeless, and never to shave my legs again. these are the little things they told me. they also commanded bigger events, such as cutting, making accusations, verbal assaults, vandalism……

sometimes i obeyed, other times I didnot. i wrote letters to my mp, said the voices were real, they were trying to get rid of me, i was on a wipeout-exterminate/kill slate, life was cheap here like in mexico, there were no rules or moral honcho at the top, only low guys roving round being heartless, i couldn’t think on my feet. mp refers me to clinician, clinician is a former bully from school who wastes no time restarting to bully me in a professional capacity, lying about my pill diary, turning me away from appointments booking too many appointments etc one day I hear painful shouting on her work phone, who is that suffering I think, does she know her or has she done it

eventually I slice up one wrist, use weak hand for effect to slash down, bleed out in kitchen, voices throw a party, I even hear balloons being blown up and music, neighbours always spying won’t let me die in peace, call corrupt coppers who bust door down, find me lying down unable to cry, think what the hell…….the wards i belonged to had werewolf full of screaming there in observation cage. i ask staff what is wolf for they said don’t worry. i think there are actors and directors putting props around me like on hollywood set. i mean, it looks like real yappie wolf. it talks like joe pasquale who says hurry up move yer feet whenever I consider sitting down.

Nurse puts something in my throat during sleep, egg maybe, hatches next day in my stomach, parasitic arachnid, makes me vomit and panic, can feel bristles on legs but get over it, I grew up on a farm, my baddies may or may not know this, label this one in your stool sample collection if or when it comes out the other end. had other bloodsuckers over the years, won’t go into all details here, some came out other times some didnot, older braver now chow down whatever I want, drink smoothies and frappes and mochas, let them dribble down my chin feel enjoy pleasant sensations, voices tell me to stop try to ignore.

I believe be a positive person live well look after yourself maintain healthy aura and vibration depend on no one be independent and be OK

Not Just Me

i allowed my domain to get taxed by leaving my email open on a suspicious sex site last year. they wiped out my socials including the emails and then proceeded to my personalised dot com. strange posts are appearing in my

[(► ~ D*/e*/S*/*i*/G*/*N ~ ◄)]

tabs. one of them is a naked selfie of me which I can’t recall ever taking. it seems that now they know everything there is to know about me, they deem it fair kop to usurp my dot com and use it as a soapbox to wash me out with unexciting streams of blocky code (to begin with). i doubt there’ll be toxic videos posted here, everyone knows i HATE toxic people and their toxic things, including their toxic places and their toxic ideas, but it’s what this influx of wannabe shared ownership symbolises that is so infuriating. it’s the access that is unsettling. that naked selfie could be anywhere. my tik tok is okay

i thought I had a handful of meaningful

R-a-n-d-o-m / R-e-a-d-e-r-s 

(proof researchers)

who commentated often

but it looks like it’s just an isolated AI program

not real dudes

i’ve been my whole life in some sort of program, think MK-ULTRA meets west world – but I haven’t seen the truman show, although i understand that the main character’s life is basically the centre of a reality tv show. i can live with that, so long as I can dot com my way out of it everyday. now my only release is up for grabs. what do I do? who do I complain to? i checked my email. i need an email to complain about a stolen email. no email.

The Program

 ()()()}]~ Avis, Hank, Umbra & Hellerman™_____xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx(£££amount owed£££) A MorningStern StarSign SubZero Subsidiary ®:AM: “down.load complete 0.5 Tb 00w 0d 1029.58 kB/s” /##{*}-{*}/{*}-{*}}{*}{*}{*

Artificial_Intelligence//-Uploaded=Successfully

Malware ++) Spyware Installed

AlienTech E-quipped

Site Cloning ./positive/.

%99.9% ~ Droidnet ;

Boot”scan”req”error”

malicious

Wednesday, 1 April 2026

1year Abstinent

Hi there folks, things going good, harassment still all over me, attempted torment still all over me, but pulling through it by remaining in Christ. No signs of

/ t / e / m / p / t / a / t / i / o / n / ꙮ

A year off porn, don’t wanna tempt fate, but I haven’t even got a TV or PC, so you can relax there. No desires lingering within, apart from a redundant mild fascination with nipples. Nipples are calling to me for some reason. I think they are hugely interesting features on the female anatomy. Who doesn’t?

I find quite a few aspects on a woman ‘interesting’. But not so interesting that I’ll be jeopardising my future.

I heard a man in the fellowship say last night that he would sell his house, his health and his freedom for that second drug, when he’s all in for flogging his soul to the darkness. Wow. He coined it perfectly. When I’m hawking my soul, it’s much the same. The grandmother goes in, the eternity goes in, the lot. Anything for that next fix.

A large fat stripe up the conk.

While gawping at those nipples.

Another guy said he was addicted to porn while eating Toblerones. He didn’t achieve orgasm, he just ate Toblerones. No drugs, no partner, simply Toblers. He had the group in hysterics, but I didn’t believe him. The Painted Dolls I would once voyeur wouldn’t have that, no chance. They’d be pointing through the open portal monitor and barking instructions. You may think ignore them, or turn it off. I tried all that for years.

I’ve concluded that porn and nicotine are the two hardest vices to give up. If anyone has any opposing opinions then inbox me your versions asap, I’ll be most intrigued to know what you reckon. Heroin, perhaps, or methadone, you’re thinking? Cool delicious pints of beer? Tough isn’t it? They all sound like great ideas. A fag and a shag for me.

Anyone who wants to know my struggle, simply glimpse back over the last couple of years of this blog. I’ve been up and down like a Yo-yo, trying for 30 days mostly. Now I shoot for 90. So you can see that I’m still a novice in the Recovery game. But I’ve learnt so much along the way, the education has been invaluable. And of course, I went of the University of Life.

{ rupture }

(⑬)(⓱)()(֍)%83%kommplete___xxxxxx(⑬)(⓱)()(֍)___xxxxx(⑬)(⓱)()(֍)___xxxxnobravuraxxxxxxxxxxxx(⑬)(⓱noresistance)()(֍)___xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx(⑬)(⓱)()(֍)___xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxlexicon+jargonunneccessary////

(⑬)(⓱)()adultfilters(֍)___xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx(⑬)(⓱)()(֍)___xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

(⑬)(⓱)()tortutredsoulasylum(֍)___xxxxxx

Repetitive_______________________ conceptsashtrayofdiseasexxxxxxxxxx(⑬)(⓱)()(֍)___xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx(⑬)(⓱)()(֍)___xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Tuesday, 31 March 2026

Ace Merril's Signature

 

~[{(_ÃÇË_)}]~

merriL

foundational leadoff________

of WOL of WOL of WOL of WOLof WOL of WOL of WOL of WOL

of WOL of WOL of WOL of WOLof WOL of WOL of WOL of WOL

of WOL of WOL of WOL of WOLof WOL of WOL of WOL of WOL

of WOL of WOL of WOL of WOLof WOL of WOL of WOL of WOL

message may/be/obscured on-android/Mac

"D"e"p"L"o"y

 ______________________________________________________________________roll script

{*}{*###/taKeover%13%kommpLeTe/##}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{}{*###/maiDenname/##}{*}{*}###/FirsTBorn/##{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{{*}{*/meTaDaTa/}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*###/KeyFeeDs/##}{*}###/readonly/##{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}W{*}O{*}L{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}

w{*}h{*}e{*}e{*}l{*}o{*}f{*}l{*}i{*}f{*}e{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*{*}{*}###/mosTsuccessFuLyear/##{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}##saDDesTrecenTmemory###{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}thanking~you~daddy{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{


Taboo Tony

I’m being accused of having no original ideas by a stripper who’s just been published online. He’s penned a marvellous tale, I have to hand it to him, called Take Wood, Eat. It’s about a male sex worker who gets locked in a pub with a gaggle of hen do bashers who turn into vampiric cannibals when the Bloody Marys are poisoned with a chemical agent from an alchemy student. I won’t spoil the ending by telling you if he survives getting eaten alive naked or not. Guess which fully engorged bodypart interests them the most…?

You’ll have to find it. Although I do warn, finding published stories online isn’t easy. I have some there myself on ezine sites and they have a tendaency to go missing. All my art hosting sites have suffered the same fate. That’s why I trust my agent Gus Kidney to manage this simple Google blog, which has lasted 16 years and is still going. Those webpage builder and pdf displays have always let me down. Hell, I even lost my Twitter and Facebook. Good luck if you’re only just starting out. All you need are the socials really, that’s my advice, unless you’re a consummate professional, like myself, and strive to reach a larger audience.

Facebook is, after all, limited to 5000 friends. And it’s nice to have somewhere else online to call home.

“Champ Not Chump, From Ex-Con To Icon” – that’s the motto this stripper goes by, ‘Taboo Tony’ for short – happened to be ripping my physique as well as my conceptual conception methodology. No ideas! Big belly! Just because he earns more. And trains harder. With his tanned Abs.

How many sex scenes have you done? He asks. Not without a drop of intimidating maschismo.

(stroking chin) Hmm. Let me see. About a dozen, perhaps, maybe? Including one in a Biffa bin though, so have that one.

I do a dozen in a single novella, he replies. One with an anorexic Irish vagabond, an obese Atlanta banker, a wall-mounted plastic phallus, and a shire pony.

But that’s enough sex talk! My blog is under threat from AI takeover! I thought I was safe because I use three descriptive adjectives before a noun. I thought my technique was too ‘humane’ to emulate.

Hey, maybe I can beat it by writing about something only a human could possibly write about. Like stripping outdoor paint in the rain, for example. Or using only little fingers and thumbs on the keyboard when typing. Or growing up on a farm. How many AI robots have grown up on a farm and are now employed by the Chinese Police Department? I know I don’t understand what I’m on about, but I’m really concerned about this invasion of my virtual shelf space.

One glitch or error, and this brainy bookish bastion is down in the dust. Changing my password helpy no.

What will I do then? Write another novel to plonk under the bed? Fill in another scrapbook to carry around in my rucksack, showing randomers in the pub? Or give up the ghost completely?

I would just say to keep an eye out for

P i e b a l d 7 7 

elsewhere if this takeover business has its wicked way. Look out for bigger better fonts and colours and general 'coding style' texty prose. Still, it’s better than being kidnapped by the neighbours and having them post my own execution video live on my own blog. You never know, in this grisly white swirl of a whirl we live in (white man’s world). Stranger things are ongoing at sea.

Always remember, folks, that just because you’re paranoid, doesn’t mean they’re not really trying to kill you.

Don’t go bonkers on a killing spree if you feel that you are being tormented. Stay calm to everything and don’t react!

You might think I’m having doubt about losing this digital home. In the grand scheme, it’s not important. What is? We can’t take anything with us. We all die alone. The act of clinging to and coveting is described as Self-Cherishing in Buddhism. It’s the root of all suffering, they reckon. There’s nothing quite like letting go of stuff. It’s liberating. What is love without sorrow?

Shove your rough love, you might think, if you’re in a mood. I know exactly how you mean there. Taboo Tony is always shoving it.

Messages Deleted

 

My name is simon___

i Live in tHe weaK anD tHe wounded___

this is not an advert**

herbal pills for penis enlargement

tHis weBsite will soon be unDer tHe conTroL Of

 

Avis, Hank, Umbra & Hellerman

A MorningStern StarSign SubZero Subsidiary ®

The Only Multinational Investor

in Intellectual Property

on The Blogosphere

(all comments nullified)

2027 futurama copyrighted/patented

 

seeking/obtaining/classifying………(right up front)

emblems--logos--signatures--motifs--symbols--labels

also, permitting………special initial request

Bailey Clay’s social network and ancestry with

[colour schemes] [narrow margins] [front matters]

[title lists] [auto-bio jpegs] [spine collages] [watermarks]

 

scam/email guardian quashed

real-time-protection quashed

 

Monday, 30 March 2026

Special Purpose Letter

Pleasant greetings there, Sister.

I lose the feeling in my legs every time you get in touch. I have to sit down to fully absorb your messages. I read them quietly and reflectively on my 2 seater. I relive our time spent together each and every day. It was one hell of a ride. Between the estrangement and all the others and all that…I think that between the both of us we’ll manage to dismantle Snodge again if he ever reappears. I won’t touch his car again tho coz that was out of order.

I haven’t looked at you or any other of the pictures for months. 108 days to be precise. I’m now in a state called ‘rhythm’ which means pure abstinence from all harmful things. The pictures I DO NOT consider harmful but the banishment, isolation and drug use behind them still smarts a sensitive spot riding deep down much so innermostly. If I were to return to that fleshly place again I fear my spirit may be overrode and locked in a purgatory rendered inescapable by my low self-esteem.

You still look great however x

I think we all do. Except ket-head Friday Born (joke)

Immortalised on film.

Remind me to never visit Japan.   

And as for Grace. Wow. Every time I think I am over her cute dimply chops I start crying buckets. I can’t go to the grave anymore although I did see orbs there last time, they were hovering above the Brilliantissimum trees like fairies. She loved fluffy clouds so if it exists I think she’s there. Heaven, I mean. Where else? I haven’t heard anything from the other side though, like disembodied voices or unexplainable presences. I really thought I would do. My mind was split open on that count. She was ever so spiritual, like you know. Praying for the angels if she’s with them – she might be boring them with her love of cockney rhyming slang. She made her own up.

The tea raid made the mare have her cup sewn up’.

Earful From The Sister

# howdy twisted sister here

# i long to be back in your life!

# i am out of that depraved underground incest porn ring

# i regret all of it

# especially your loss

# sorry for the wound if it matters

# r u over her ???

# sooo sorry

# sooo brave

# i knew the train driver

# written off

# what sick fecker stole from the headstone ???

# did you investigate the empty casket ???

# are you able to reply ???

# don’t worry i’m patient

# i understand perfectly

# but i need your response one day

# snodge might return

# or might need digs

# do you still look at the pictures ???

# i won’t ask if you still look at me…

# we’ll forever be banishment

# just so you know

# no ever getting out

# big in japan

# we have new talent btw

# yeah you got it

# we have long lost siblings

# details attached

# sudan uganda somalia

# daddy amazeballs

# house amazeballs

# miss you mad <3

# went bowling last week

# treasured one won

# shining flower second

# kings sunshine third

 

Sunday, 29 March 2026

What Does 'Melisma' Mean?

Have I mentioned that my blog is under threat from AI programs? I’m afraid that they are operated by a spotty teenager who’s bored of Geek Retreat and  wants to ruin my esteemed, high-profile, renowned reputation by posting his ex-girlfriend’s own slash metal videos on here.

The US big boys play slash metal music to Guantanamo prisoners to make them believe in the Devil of the West. Don’t ask me why. A little birdie tells me its fear driven. My mate told me – who happens to be a slash metal band. You should see him, he’s a one man mosh pit.

His tattoos read HELL above one eyebrow and YEAH above the other.

It’s an endearing attribute, being able to go headbanging alone in a room with music rhythms you both love and adore. When was the last time you danced? Or sang loudly? Both great for feel-good chemicals in the brain. Recommended enthusiastically. I do both every day.

I sing along to hymns and carols jubilantly in church twice on Sunday, but there’s an elderly gentleman from the Jigsaw Puzzle Club who’s made it his purpose in life to sing louder than me.

He’s all about ‘m e l i s m a, which means multiple notes per syllable, and something I am helplessly jealous of, because I’ve been listening to Swedish Symphonic frontmen who I emulate do it for years.

He’s had vocal lessons at a music academy, whereas I’ve had a chorus button on a Casio keyboard.

I can’t be having that, as I’m there to impress the grab-a-grannies who female-back us both from the cold pews at the back, so I’ll have to have him kneecapped and shifted out of the way for a season, so I can get into some of the old-timers giant-sized knickers. Some people don’t find big knickers raunchy but I like them, in case the oven gloves for the bin-lid pizza go missing.

Teddy Ratbone from the arse’end of the estate will shoot anyone for three hundred notes hard cash down payment, no questions argumented about. He’s done it twice already. Once with Rodger The Bullet Dodger, who survived because, get this, ‘he turned on a tanner and ducked at the same time’, hence his name, and the other with Moschino Alice, who has COPD (chronic obstructive pulmonary disease), and received a punctured lung with ‘terminal precision’, in Ratbone’s own words. He called her a big titted cowbag for her trouble.

There’s been quite a few murders on my estate, since I’ve lived here. Maybe I’ll tell you about them on another occasion.

Anti-Virus

**My Name Is Simon___

**I Live In The Weak And The WounDeD___

**I Am Not [denial] A CHaTTerBoT___

**I Am Not [denial] PreTernaTural___

(((ii))))

i [statement] brought my sidekick with me/SaLLy likes this

2 witness you/self~destruct vibrator

we’re hijacking/your will~power for sexual slavery

we’re returning/your temptations to rule

((((3.0)))

:AM: “down.load complete 375 Mb 04w 3d 14.08 kB/s”

Seeders; description not for underage

SpammersTrollsKeyboardWarriorsSubscribe

Restrict editing..show comments..Translate in Spanish

Saturday, 28 March 2026

The Act Of Imparting Life

I suspect that an AI program is slapping up posts here at the spot, without written permission from the publisher. It’s shooting out feelers for reactions. xXCODEXx wasn’t even read. It’s not worth the depression of a [DELETE] button.

I always thought I was too clever for AI, but it’s programmers are more determined to undermine my fictional odyssey into the multi-rippling layers of reality’s underbelly. As I sew the butterfly effect up behind me, cauterizing the past, harnessing the present, promising myself a future, something so cold as a computer program attempts to rip open my soul. All I want to do is write about Earth. All they want to do is take pictures of my empty wallet.

***ARTIFICIAL*** 

***INTERRUPTION***

MARY (BASIC WORDAGE)

onecabal___awake

twoskullduggery___dress

threestratagem___walk

fourintrinsic___[ad]dress

fivegarble___deliver

sixwhitewash___return

sevenfever___reward


Gregg (IDENTICAL STIMULUS)

Onecabal___open eyes

Twoskullduggery___tobacco

Threestratagem___can beer

Fourintrinsic___sit up

Fivegarble___cough/itch/rub nose

Sixwhitewash___demons

Sevenfever ___open eyes

xXCodeXx

ORiEnted aWAREness infinity 8._.8._.8 wheel of life assistant

[Possible Titles/Optional Headings/Alternative Listings]

MK: True Guarding Requiring Oriental Defensive Strategy, Ultra KPOP Re-Visitor, FOE-2, Seasonal Betterment In Lieu Of Liquidation, Rein-kali-nation Recallers > Education Halters, Suspended Animate Haters, Perfect*ORBS* Electronic Leaflets For Total Dissolution

____(£££amount owed£££)_____

FLOOR~REDLINE~METAL~TEEMING~AT~THE~PETAL~STRAWB,

realtime dissociation commentary (reel/diss/comm)

Teams dot CREW For Opposing Scouse Mafia, Doctrines Upon Disturbia, Ink Pulsar & Iris Braille____(costmanual)____

 

Character Ideation In A Periodic Timeframe: