Essential Ingredients

The last post was supposed to be an ending. This post was never supposed to exist. The idea was to move over to Wordpress, and start another, simpler blog, entitled piebald88.ballache.com (it feels weird putting a full stop after the dot com of a web address, ever notice that? better to put any sentence in brackets instead). The idea of starting from scratch on a fresh format is very not-very-inspiring. Every douche-ball has a blog. There are blogs coming out of people's ears. Every which way you turn on the tossernet, dudes are showing off on their blogs. Apparently, however, it's absolutely critical to literary success. What, no blog? Forget about a writing career mate. No chance. Stick to ransom notes. They pay better. Everybody knows the 3 essential self-promotional necessities to become a world famous author are:

1. Facebook

2. Twitter

3. Blog

Preferably in your pocket, too, on a sleek n sexy i-phone. Don't forget the actual books, as well. You'll need some material to promote. Don't worry about the content or quality. The important thing is promoting the living daylights out of them on your latest impossible-to-live-without gadget. That's the main thing. Bugging people. Getting in their face. Book signings are for sentimental old fools. The way forward is a virus of your e-books infecting every digital device on the globe, with you getting 77p for each one in return. Your e-books will be about the importance of having Facebook, Twitter, and *deep sigh* Turdpress in your quest for worldwide recognition and super-celeb-stardom. If you're a writer, get on it. If you're a reader, shoo along. You're either a writer or a reader in this world. You're either a seller or a buyer. You're either full of love or full of hate. You're either rich or you're poor. You either like marmite or you don't. You're either somebody, or you're nobody. Even Denzil Washington said that in Training Day (2001), so it must be true.

He said it. I believe it. That settles it.