The Premier League will be boycotted
this season. It’s too painful to watch. All those young men achieving more than
their dreams could have ever beheld, blasting goals in before thousands of
cheering fans on a sparkling and cool Saturday afternoon, the false idols of
millions more. And what are we doing? Watching them on the sofa—providing we
have Sky TV, who split the games over the whole weekend. Not so bad if you are in a pub, throwing pints at the screen with the rest of the mob when you get beat in the last minute.
NO.
No more Match of the Day. Not even
early on a Sunday morning. No more listening to the pundits and managers and
presenters talking the hind legs off a donkey all day and all night. They never
stop babbling, as if football is a science. “We’re gunna try and win
the game and that’s it,” they should say, because that’s all that NEEDS saying.
But instead they show us endless replays and tactical discussions between ball bags
sat on a couch. Do one, Football Focus! And the analysis...oh heavens above, the analysis. Just move on with the next programme. Commentators, hush the f**k down and let me make my own mind up instead of telling me what I just saw with my own eyes in your overexcited spunky-pants voice.
This is quite touchy because just
like you most probably, football is a first love. You’re STRANGE if you don’t
like football. We grew up playing it. It’s what kids do. The operative word
being PLAYING. Not bloody watching it 24/7. A line must be drawn. No more
WATCHING football. Time-wasting issues are bad enough as it is. That’s why Sky
TV in the home would be a stab in the face against all things creative,
personally, and most especially the pursuit of writing masterpieces. Too distracting.
There will be exceptions, of course.
Big FA Cup games and Big Champions League games on normal telly (don't even mention England until Rio 2014). The odd one. And that is all.
But that is nothing really, if you watch regular league clashes multiple times a week. These ninety minutes add up you know. They’ll tell
you that EVERY game is a big crunch game, even though the season has barely
started. Well guess what? They ain’t big games. The league is a long arse haul over months and
months full of overpaid ball bags we don’t recognise any more. Not to mention the Spanish and Italian games on Sky Sports Anytime+2 in RealD 3D HD.
If you go to the games, good for
you. If you do the opposite of what is outlined here on a comfy armchair with a
high-spec TV, then good for you again. It is thoroughly enjoyable, there’s no
disputing that. It’s a religion in England, it most sincerely is. But that’s the
point really. There’s only so much worship a man can allow himself...
Enjoy. ATD will be there occasionally, but only in the final rounds of the pivotal cup games. That’s the
plan, anyway. Let you know how it goes.
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