Remaining In Christ

The battle against the flesh is going very satisfactorily. Despite other long-lasting horrors going on in my life, this is perhaps the most important issue I have. I’m realising what is important and what isn’t. Shocking mental health traumas, although unpleasant, are not the most crucial perils I endure. I can get through it all, so long as I remain In Christ, our merciful and mighty saviour. I’m always talking about Chinese Terrorists and Russian Spies here at the blogspot, but even their persistent harassment is nothing compared to the absence of God. When I pick up the substances, I feel slightly distant from all things holy. So it’s vital I remain In Christ, His one and only son, for as long as possible, preferably for the rest of all time. It’s an eternal deal, making a pact with the Lord, and not one to be swapped for cheap counterfeit sexual pleasure.

Before dabbling with wicked women, I fear I might pick up the cigarettes and alcohol, or, if I don’t beforehand, I definitely will afterwards. For the last ten years solid, ever since I nearly jumped off a high bridge to my death, a fag and a can have never been far from my hand. I derived immense comfort from gurgling lager and toking on smokes. I thought of myself as Cracker, the famous TV detective, who was always at it while solving his cases. He had a ‘burning self-destruct’ button which I both shared and admired. Towards the end though, I started to enjoy it less and less. I was regularly throwing up and wheezing. Not only was it blowing a hole in my pocket, it was also killing me.

I’m aware now that if I return to the booze and ciggies, I may never get over them again. It will be too late. They might usher me to the grave. That’s a scary thought. And it starts with the first one. I’ll never forget it. It’ll stick in my head worse than any voice or hallucination. Many bad things happen to us Children of God outside of our control and they can’t be helped, but what we can limit, like smoking and drinking, shouldn’t be given licence to assist in shackling us. Not by our own hand, surely. We should be looking after the Holy Temple of our body, not filling it with pollutants.

It’s tough though isn’t it, on a daily basis? Personally, I sometimes long to give up the struggle and kick back doing what I’m used to. Part of me says so what, Christ has paid the price, I can do what I want apart from massive sin, there’s no great harm being done, we are submissive in the flesh. As long as I am buggering off to Heaven at the end of it all to escape my oppressors, I don’t really care about a fag or a beer. They’re just fags and beers. They don’t make me a bad person. You know?

The women however come with substance abuse and that’s even worse than smokes and alcohol. Should all three occur I’ll be in a potent relapse and that’s when the demons come out to play with me. They’re completely obsessed about every fibre of my psyche. I’m not sure how many chances I have left. I have another relapse left in my fleshy members, but not another recovery left in my spiritual parts. I’ve always pulled myself back in the past, but this time I don’t want to insult Christ, and knowingly walk out of his presence.

So I’m going to try and remain with him, in Brotherhood. YEAH!