God's List

Hi again, I’m feeling quite tempted to walk on the wild side again. I woke up with two strong cans of lager to help me ‘level up’. That’s what a few of the lads in recovery call getting drunk, ‘levelling up’. It’s a joy to do with the Karpackie. (Karpackie is the name of the 9.0% lager I drink.) I mean, it never ends, does it? Not with powerful stims and porn. You just want more and more of it all of the ruddy bloody godamn bleedin’ time. I wish the urge would just get up and leave me for eternity. Do I announce myself as a slave in its presence, and fall accordingly, or man up a touch and request – or demand – that it do one and leave me alone? I’ve got a foot in both camps if I’m honest.

This morning I made a mini list of what God can do for me today. There were only four elements in the lot. First up was a delicious Chinese meal, which I enjoyed for my lunch. I’m really grateful for that. It was a tasty potato, rice and pork offering. Second on the list was that I could share and talk openly in a group, which I’ve just done. I discussed the difficulty of starting again from square one, and of the hardship that comes by taking it one day at a time. It is really nice to make it to your pillow clean from drugs though, and equally nice to wake up in the morning with no comedown or hangover. I have to focus on those pleasurable feelings, instead of using on impulse and suffering in pain for days and days. Third on the list was an hour on the internet, which I’m currently enjoying as I type this. Bit of YouTube music, know what I mean. A mixed playlist like. I don’t have good music at home, as I got rid of all my CDs when I destroyed all of my belongings two or so years ago. I don’t know why I did that. I must have been off my rocker. I put my laptop in the bath and everything, in a bid to start again from scratch. Thankfully I didn’t throw my bed away. I still have my bed to travel to the Astral Plain in. Praise be to God for that much. And last on the list was a cold pint of lager. I’m off to the pub the instant that this is done. Wish me a happy beverage, and I’ll wish one to you. If you drink, that is. Maybe you don’t. In that case, you might want to enjoy a glass of cream soda, or cordial, or icy bottled water.

I’m not quite okay at the moment. I’m a tad wrong. I hope that you don’t suffer from the afflictions that I am now enduring, like being tracked, stalked and harassed by electronic weaponry. As if life wasn’t hard enough anyway, eh? Over ‘n’ out, bye for now.