Burning Poetry

I met a new boy yesterday called Dave in the pub with my regular boy Simon. Simon is the one who bought a paraplegic sex doll off Amazon (no arms, no legs). It got delivered to his parents’ house and he never collected it. Dave said he is always writing poetry, straight up from the heart. He’d just bought a new notepad. “What do you do with them?” I asked. “Collate them into a collection for your kids to read when they are older?” He said he burns them all. Burns them all! I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. From now on, after I twisted his arm a bit somewhat about the matter, he has sworn to start keeping them with an anthology in mind. Burns them all!!

I tried to get a big dog 8-ball (bag of coke) yesterday afternoon, after a few drinks in the pub. My dealer didn’t answer his phone for an hour. In the meantime, I convinced myself that it was the wrong idea. It’s just too much money for not enough goods. So I went clothes shopping instead and got a few bargains from Sports Direct. Two Slazenger tracksuits for under 60 notes. I know it’s hardly Lacoste or Armani or Hugo Boss or Ralph Lauren, but you can’t argue with that value for money. Two full tracksuits for under 60 quid! I’m not bothered what labels I wear. My favourite are Champion and Kappa and Fila and Ellesse. We can’t all walk around in designer gear though can we, it would be boring.

My voices call me a black scruff, a black loser, black vermin (because someone put rats in my flat). It’s freaky having people sneak into your home when you are out (and often while you are in too). I had a rotten ginger tarantula under my bed the other week. It’s all part of the Targeted Individual mentality. One of the first lessons is to accept that your home is nothing more than a perp walkway. The very first lesson is don’t bother to run. I’ve learned many valuable lessons over the many years I’ve been tracked, stalked and harassed by electronic weapons. It’s barmy.

Yeah, I was tempted yesterday, but the cooking group I’ve just been to this morning kept me motivated and focused on recovery. It was good fun, we made homemade burgers and wedges. All part of Pathways, CGL (Change, Grow, Live). I bonded with a new woman I’ve met called Joanna, we gave each other a high five when she walked into the room. She doesn’t think I’m a black scruff or a black loser or black vermin; I think she thinks that I’m alright. She’s really nice towards me, and she’s offered to make a packed lunch for me to take with us when we are walking together tomorrow in The Peak District. That’s sweet of her, don’t you think? Cheese and ham she’s making me. Otherwise it would have had to have been a meal deal from the Sainsbury’s. Another thing which stopped me using was a planned dinner date tonight with a Christian couple from church, Tom and Meg. I don’t know what we’re having but I’m sure it will be a special occasion.