Housework

Usually just the thought of tidying up fills me with morbid depression. Why should I have to do it? Can’t I afford a Polish maid to get the job done? My ex-girlfriend was a cleaner at Sainsbury’s, I used to get up at three in the morning with her and walk her to work. She moved into my flat for several months when I got sectioned, because she lost her home. My Social worker organised a food bin for her, because times were tight. When I got out and moved back into my property, there wasn’t enough room. I kicked them both out so I could view porn and take substances. I’m not very proud of that, but they were safely relocated to a Bed & Breakfast called The Bear’s Paw or something. I remember that one day I was living with a nice little family unit, then the next day I was sectioned again and back in hospital. There were loads of screams in the hospital, and everyone including the staff were talking about the thoughts I was having at the time. It was very distressing, I put it on Facebook. I must have written a novel on Facebook during the ten years I was on it. Plus all my poetry, art and music. Now it’s all lost because my email account got hacked. That said, I probably shouldn’t have left it open on an X-rated site. I remember that site, I used to stream and download from it as I saw fit. There were millions of videos on it. I won’t provide it with free advertising by disclosing the name.

Anyway, I did a bit of housework last night, and felt better for it. I read a useful blog about housework, it recommended that one practises ‘zen’ when doing it. To start in a corner and prioritise just completing a meagre segment of the whole job, and to be proud of yourself when you do, before moving onto the next portion. It said to swipe the brush or hoover with purpose and deliberation. To enjoy getting the tiny steps accomplished in proportion to the larger mission. I might get into doing a lot more cleaning a lot more often of the time. It breaks the day in two, like going to the gym or surfing the web or watching TV. I still don’t have an aerial connection for my TV. I think I’ll buy an indoor one when I get paid. It’s been over two years since I last watched TV. I miss it and I don’t. Not as much as I miss swimming. Now that is something which I truly don’t appreciate not having in my life anymore. It was so relaxing to go to the local pool and pamper myself in the Jacuzzi and steam room. What is it with people eating oranges in steam rooms by the way? That was a catching trend. Everyone suddenly started eating oranges in the steam room. We knew a trick to make it hotter: we would pour cold water on the thermostat. It’s a small device on the wall. Pour cold water onto it and it gets steaming hot rather more quickly.

I don’t plan on using today. I’ve got enough for a bag but I need smokes and food to tide me over (is it tie or tide?) I’m not tempted, as I’m bored of my Celluloid Corridor (porn collection) at the moment. I’ve seen all that dick-pussy-and-arse before a million times, I’m desensitised to it, it’s bullshit. I’ll be going for a quick slurp after this paragraph, in the boozer. Coors, if you’re wondering. Is wondering spelled wondering or wandering? I can’t be bothered Googling it. I prefer Bing over Google sometimes. Then I’ll be heading home for a bite to eat. Do you think I’ll be able to practice sitting in a room with my thoughts for company from now on, or will I turn to my dealer, especially when I get paid? Nah, I think I’ve turned a corner on the misuse. I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. I want my 66 days back, the ones I lost since I last started relapsing again. It’s been a tough six or seven weeks. My arse totally fell off. I’ve been leaning on the f**k-it button like Kim Jong Un on the nuclear trigger, going to Hell and back over and over on a loop sequence. People keep remarking on how much weight I’ve lost. I tell them I’ve contracted cancer when they say that, as it’s an insult to a weightlifter. It’s not too far from the truth actually, but that’s another story. Any old hoo, keep safe and keep well, and we’ll speak again soon.