Same Happening, Come See

My boy James has to go a Mother & Baby Unit (MBU) with his newborn. He has problems smoking weed. I’ve never heard of these institutions, have you? I think it’s where the authorities settle custody disputes. Sounds like a neat little holiday to me. A holiday of nightmares.

Meeting last night. Some guy said he pumped his partner’s stomach when she attempted suicide with pills. Why is there always someone around when peeps try and take their own life? Sounds like a cry for help to me.

My boy Brian brags about how many people he’s saved from suicide. He said he got there on one occasion when some dude was hanging from the lampshade. Just in the nick of time.

My boy Matty claims that he is still in PTSD from chopping down the bodies of his hanging mates. Sounds like a scene from Apocalypse Now.

We all have our horror stories, don’t we? Some wear this like a badge to show off about. I do it myself, but only on here. I wouldn’t dream of talking about most of my trauma to folk outside, in public. We’ve all had it so so hard, haven’t we? None as tough as me lol.

It’s the Midlands convention coming up soon. Can you imagine the combined egotistical force of 1500 addicts in one place? The war wounds, the miraculous healings, the crawling plates of food on LSD? I can’t get a word in at my local small gathering, let alone there. There’s something cultish about it, no doubt, but there are fun stories to be heard, apart from the usual praise for the 12 Steps. I don’t fancy serving myself up with the Steps. I write enough here about my overall condition, which is much more than mere drug addiction. I’d truly like to get to grips explaining my visual disturbances, but I don’t want to give the invisible party around me undue attention. Maybe I’m slowly working up to it. They’re with me now, fake laughing and mocking, as ever.

My other boy Matty claims he is seeing humans change into animals. He calls these visions delusions. It seems that everybody has no clue about psychosis. A delusion is a false belief, an hallucination or a vision is an hallucination or a vision. I thought I was delusional in my early years, before my oppressors went overt. I was wrong. All the delusions were true and worse than. Nothing in life can prepare you for them. Not even Shaolin Monks, although they do help.

Did I tell you I’m skint? I have a rotten cash flow problem. I can afford one pint and I’m now going off to have it. Then I’m off to the green room to catch up on some gossip. People always throw snide comments my direction as soon as I leave though. I don’t mind two-faced people who are friendly to your face, it’s better than being one-faced and horrible. Or is it? I don’t much care. Pretty much all of human behaviour at surface level face value is a bit of a farce, it feels like presently, to me. I know what I feel truthfully when I am deep-thinking in solitude. Guys are always gunna stab you in the back, aren’t they?