The Old Man Of Coniston (Part 2)

Here we go. Let’s jump straight into the action about this Coniston codger. Facing my fears and all that. 10 peculiar facts.

1.     He puts seaweed on my light switches and cobwebs on my plant pots.

2.     He leaves little drawings out of ash on my walls.

3.     He places rats, tarantulas etc. in my flat, sometimes on my person as I doze. Most of them are lab-made and six times as big as regular vermin. Highly intelligent too.

4.     He wipes droplets of blood on any new bedding I might purchase.

5.     He regularly stains any new clothes I buy.

6.     He puts holes in my trainers.

7.     He puts dust on my carpet.

8.     He blocks my drains up.

9.     He whittles the electricity supply down when I am out.

1       He hides in the cupboard for hours.

I could go on, but I’ve forgotten half the things he gets up to. One time he woke me up with a siren and a flashing light with a switchblade pressed not far away from my throat. He once skinned a baby (presumably) in my bedroom. This maniac calls himself Lucifer, and I am half inclined to believe him. Most of this started over ten years ago. You should see him now. He just sits around me cloaked in sheathing in a special spectrum of light, LICKING HIS KNIFE, talking trash about what he’s got in store for me. The worst part is that he comes across as all friendly and up for a laugh, then he’ll go nuts and try and stab me invisibly. He plays all manner of petty little mind games to wind me up, along with his entourage. He comes with a posse of up to maybe 15 strong. One of his henchmen is a porous (walk thru wall) Chinese cannibal whose face is covered in blood. His girlfriend’s weapon is an angle grinder, which says it all. She says she wants to use it on my groin. Before she buys me dinner.

This mob I first believed were evil illuminati immortals, energy-sucking beings who feed on human light. They have done their fair share of chasing me around dark parks shooting invisible pellets into my brain. They were trying to blind me by whipping out my optic nerve with a special classified weapon. You can imagine how scared I was, freaked out on drugs and fear. Now I just talk back to them, or either ignore them, one of the two.

They are always causing screams from god knows who in earshot, to unsettle and frighten me, but the worst part about their constant torment is that it is constant torment. Every minute of every day and every second of every night. They just do not, cannot, and will not leave me alone for a moment’s peace. I can’t believe the strong warrior they have forged within me. I survive on a daily basis to fight another day. I think to myself, what chance has the next soldier got, if I capitulate? I feel like I am the strongest of my breed. If I fail, and jump under the hypothetical bus, it will leave hopeless futures for all who come after me. Once I am down in their pit, there will be no optimism anywhere else on Earth. Because I am the light of the world. Lol. Seriously, I tell myself this. I must be, dealing with them.

I was psychic reading the other night and my queries led me to a place I think in The Lakes called The Old Man Of Coniston. It sounds like the worst place ever. I wonder what kind of history it has. I know what it means to me. This is why I decided to jot down a few notes about him, because I found him on the map.