Disturbia (Grand Delusions)

Patients with good hallucinations:

Signed: Dr Venison

🔬All I's On Me (2y ago)

i was stroking goats at the time on a petting zoo at Walton Gardens. my aunty had brought them curried turkey twizzlers for them to eat. she's like that, she cooks bacon butties for the dog. as soon as she visited the toilet, and i was alone, i notice a ruffle in the nearby bush. one of my stalkers motto was "i am always as close to you as pain and antidote" he was a sicko who would often get into bed with me, that's how close he was talking about. anyway, he was in the bush, after following me there, and he held out a big (framed] A3-sized picture of a bloodied knife. i thought that he must have forgotten his real one! i call these kinds of hallucinations whoopsie hallucinations.

📐 Lord of All The Angle Grinders (18m ago)

funny was wen i got infekked with a ringwurm during an operayshon wen i wuz asleep. i thought dat rob zombies sir jen (surgeon) had skikk (s)titched it up into my artery network overnite an sewn me up like a kipper. wen i woke up it wuz breethin' in my lungs, its belly wuz in my belly, i cud hear its hartbeat in my temples, wot a frickin' dizgusting ordeal. i wud av kut it out if it wuz possible. insted i borght sum cow dewurmer from the net and i eat a full bowl with strawburry nezquik.

👢 Adventurous Muddied Boots (3y ago)

I was in such a pickle one evening that the only escape plan was to build a time machine and set myself free in another month of 3017, when all my attackers would be dead and there would only be a certain amount of Tesla robots to contend with. I emptied my gramp's shed of all his tools and brought them into the living room. before i could assemble the special device however i had to sterilise all the gizmos so went the shop to buy a trollie full of thick lemon sodium hypochlorite....bleach....this went everywhere and changed the colour of my carpet started burning my hands and more. six hours later i returned to reality and had a big clean up on my hands. the most i did was glue a egg timer to an adjustable spanner 

📯 Wrong-Ender (...)

I threw a wobbler in Heron Foods because all the sweetcorn sausages and mushrooms were saying "sausages can!" "sweetcorn can!" "Mushrooms can!!" i didn't know what they meant, i thought rip my throat out, so i tossed them all on the floor and kicked them out the towards the door. i got a 2--year ban policy. shame because i really like their full english breakfasts in a tin, it s a complete fried breakfast except its only diff is it comes in a tin. sausages and mushrooms but no sweetcorn. only a madman would have sweetcorn with his breakfast. anyway still barred