What Can Possibly Go Wrong?

(⌚) Garmin says you have elevated stress levels…my watch told me. I was relaxing in the sauna at the time! What a load of bollocks!

My girl Mel just shared a bunch of testimony in PAUSE, a mental health drop in centre. She said that her car, when involved in an accident, sends a message to her phone. Her phone then sends a notification to all emergency contacts. She slammed on once, rather innocently, no one hurt, just a dose of sudden braking, and next minute, everyone and his dog was ringing her, believing she had been injured. I’m only reporting this because I thought it was an interesting piece of technology.

Mel is an interesting girl. I was thinking about pointing her here, but rule number one in blogging, according to me, is never show your material your material. I’d rather write about her than have her read about me, if you get what I mean? Do you see my point? Do you understand me? Are you with me? Just nod along and say yeah to confirm.

She’s a young self-harmer with mental issues. You already know that I fully love these types, don’t you? Yes, I have a soft spot for them. It’s only the second time I’ve ever met her. I made her chuckle with a left-handed screwdriver joke. She didn’t get it at first. We got along really well, anyway, and I was able to forget my stalkers for an hour. Maybe she was placed in my path on purpose. Now that I’ve had my days off from the mission (pissballing around with narcotics), I can get back down to the nitty gritty of high frequency vibrational fields, and the laws of positive attraction.

Apology this morning was a fracas. Instead of one of us at a time relating our point of view, it was more like one big messy cross-talking conversation. It’s a joy to listen to eloquent addicts talk about their pitfalls and successes. I’m back into the role of my lifestyle now, after that horrendous break I just took, and determined to stay true on the right path.

You comedian, you’re thinking, aren’t you? How many times have you said that?

Yeah, but this time I’m serious. I’m staying clean.

And how many times have you said that?

⌚Garmin says that you are lying, Andrew.

We’ll see. I’m having a really good day. Got another lengthy apology session this evening at Peer Support Group. After a relapse, it’s quite hard to talk about anything not negative, but I’ll discuss bouncing back with an exalted purpose, which is almost as satisfying, if you really are bouncing back big time, as flying high on the business end of a decent spree. I really might stop counting the days for a while, until I get right on up there towards the higher end of the 90 Day bracket mark.

Go ten years clean, have one blow out, and you’re back to square one, as if the ten years didn’t matter.

I’m not having any of that. It’s a mug’s game this. I’m out.

Either I’m feeling well and bright and cheery and zesty, or I’m down and out on the mattress behind the curtain. Numbers have got nothing to do with it. Because I’ve recently used, do I have to sit on the shameful step for three months before I can feel well again. No, I do not, I can get right back at it with an improved mood immediately. I can snap out of the fugue and declare contentedness straightaway, by continuing my fellowship engagements and other healthy aspects of life. There’s no need to wallow in the aftermath of a binge. Back on the saddle.