Guard Down

(🎡) This latest two day ‘blip’ had me strictly planted in the doldrums, but yesterday I snapped out of it and had a little dance to music. Today I’ve been to class, which was off the menu I thought, so that was positive also. I decided to keep my mouth shut for a change and just listen. I’m still processing the awfulness. I didn’t want to spill my guts about being targeted for imaginary psychosis and all the rest of it so soon. Not until I’d computed exactly what the frig had happened.

My harassers don’t half grow a set of cohonies when I’m strung out on narcotics. They know that I wouldn’t say boo to a goose, when usually I’m on the batter. They completely surround my home. The neighbours are terrible, their properties are being used for observation bases (and worse). It’s hard not to react when I’m sober, but on a speed comedown I’m easy pickings. And boy do they pick at me well.

Because my guard was down they got down to business. I think I saw a child being kidnapped. It could and most probably was a skit, I can’t be sure, but it wouldn’t have happened if I wasn’t vulnerable. I want to apologise to my God for being a helpless druggie sometimes. If not for addiction I would be in fine fettle to deal with gangstalking. As it is, when I am catatonic in the midst of a synthetic hell, with no brain activity, and other people’s graffiti on the ceiling in my own home, I am an elementary target with no effective mental defence (EMD).

I hope and pray that you are not a soldier in this Silent Holocaust, and going through similar rigours of organized criminality. If you are getting stalked, then stick around. I get by with a faith in God, even though I’ve suffered the loss of multiple other higher powers who jumped ship at the first sign of mutiny. Now I stand alone in the face of adversity knowing only who I am and how I came to be this way. Chosen, I believe.

I escaped some of the comedown by reading a good book about addiction. Gossip Girl goes to rehab. It’s bad enough, on top of normal life, but being targeted as well? Forget about it.

Ah well, life goes on, and I can only make another concentrated effort to protect my peace and my joy. I feel like telling myself never again, but I’m not sure what the point is. Every time I’m doing well I screw it up. But I do keep doing well. That counts for something. At least I have some recovery to abolish. If I used every single day I could not imagine how bad my life would become. It’s only these sprees of revival which give me any hope. The way I fight back defines me. And this written testimony, of course. It’s not as creative or inspiring as I’d like it to be at the present time, but God willing I’ll be back to my best sooner rather than later.

Other than that and me, I wish that you are well on this day. I’m battling this contest so that somebody else out there doesn’t have to one day. There’s an agenda out there who wants us all hooked up to a computer with our brains siphoned off. I know this because it’s happening to me.

But monumental ape strong!!!