Whales...Barker Style

When something is 'Barker Style', it is instinctive and improvised, because Clive Barker, rather than being a technical inker like some all-rendering comic artist who can depict cathedrals tottering on ankles from the viewpoint of a manga girl ninja's bootlaces, simply draws 'whatever comes into his head'. Some of it, sometimes, looks simple and easy, and yet, simultaneously, inexplicably, indivisibly (indivisible as in, like, pain and pleasure...), it's kinda awesome because it's brave and bold and like nothing else. It's its own thing, if you catch me. It's its own style. Like one or two other professions in this world, he can just make it up as he goes along. And here's the good news -- any schmuck with a 10p pencil can do their version of the same. Risk it. Trust it. Don't let us hear you can't draw! That's like saying you can't swim! 

Staying Creative

Staying creative can be hard with the tossernet, phone, TV and radio always out to distract you. Sometimes all you wanna do is cuddle up in front of the gas fire with Hugh Jackman on the box, or have a duvet day with the curtains drawn, or catapult some dogshit walkers with ice cubes, or whatever floats your boat, and that’s dandy. You may dry up like a prune and take up to a whole year off from any innovative production at all, but you know you’ll return to your craft, your calling, eventually, don’t cha? Don't cha though...?

Fulltime writers have my utterest most respect. To be immersed in words even part time, four hours a day, is enviable. That’s a goal of mine, e-vent-u-ally, to be a part time writer. Perhaps more than a goal. Perhaps a salvation. There are dudes out there doing a lot more too, for laughs. Any more than 8 hours and you are basically tapping into a collective subconscious with a pen in your hand. Remote viewing is the psychic term. There’s no disputing the most prolific author in the world, however. That has to be Richard Laymon. He’s so practised at churning out books, he’s been doing it even after his death. Now that’s what I call prolific.

Imagination is one thing, but work ethic is another entirely. A good case of the  latter is rarer. Together, they forge a formidable combination. Authors like Jeffrey Deaver and John Grisham who have had previous careers in law have took to the novel business like ducks to water. Our Jeffers stands at the island in his kitchen and works through his 8 month outlines on his feet! Is it 8 months he spends on an outline? Don’t hold me to it, but I can’t be too far off ya know.

Steve King [I keep mentioning this guy’s name! Does he need all this free advertising? Not in the slightest. Does he deserve it? Abso-bloody-lutely], says he would shoot himself if he had to write full time. It would be overkill. And in the words of Lorenzo Quinn, the best sculptor in the world, for me, “It is the sum of one’s talents that makes the artist.” Did you know Steve King plays guitar in a band? I’d be very surprised if all writers were not good at something else as well. Everyone is good at something, but no one is good at everything.

Stagnation in one area of your creative wellspring can easily be solved with some diversifying flirtations with another of your passions. Clive Barker, originally of Liverpool, says that he finds the world of paint a glorious polar opposite after toiling with the grammatical rigidities of the alphabet. To cast aside those troublesome 26 letters and pick up a paintbrush, while still remaining in your creative element, is indeed a universe apart. Like a sportsman, in a way, leaving the field for the pool, or the decathlete, swapping one event for another. Like those Jacks of all Trades you may have met in your working life at one point; we all know that kind of guy who has built his own house...the one whose van looks like a D.I.Y store exploded in the back of it? That's right, the one with the leather tool belt and Gore Tex work boots! We are 'remote viewing' together here now see, a ha! I picture one called Barry, who does renovations, and pays double on Bank Holiday weekends. See ya.

Remember, a change is like a rest.

unfurl like cards in freefall

Gus Kidney E-mail

This is an e-mail I received from Gus Kidney earlier today. We've gelled really well together. I've been lucky to land him. I can call him for a lift if I get stuck, we're that close. I nearly had to last night when the last train home was replaced by a bus. He's constantly looking for openings and opportunties for me. He's got my back. You can see he's got a sense of humour too. For christmas he sent me a wrapped packet of Mr. Brain's pork faggots! I can't wait to offer him a glass of olive oil when he next comes round here!

Hi Andy,

I did as you requested and facef**ked 10 of your old chums from school. Will do so again now that I have much more concise contact details. Not yet checked to see if any of them got back to me yet. Could you explain that I am having problems connecting to friend requests. My facef**k account is outgoing only at the present time. I am not ignorant and trying to remedy the problem. Will continue to contact others, but where do you want me to go from friends and family? Will any known associate do? (To impart some advice, don’t be electronically tagging people if you’re not prepared to stand on the street and gab with them in person, face-to-face. Leave that to the spam brigade. My personal filters are being overrun and it’s a nightmare.) I gather you know loads of townies from childhood so forward me a list would you, text message if poss.

Be careful not to incriminate anybody other than yourself! Remember, no names! Make them up, it shouldn’t be too hard. Then again, I think you get me on that one. I’m not totally convinced you’re telling the truth 100% of the time, but I imagine it’s your craft to take liberties, judging by the e-zines you’re in. Did anyone from WOL solicit your submissions for those? I wasn’t aware. I will look into flash fiction genre to pursue development of novel-length short short story anthology. I’ve never heard of such a proposal before. If the market is choked then why not make a market of your own?

Dean Koontz has got a new novel out called RELENTLESS. I heard he writes 9 hours a day, six days a week. Surely that can’t be beneficial for the circulation? Perhaps he has someone under his desk massaging his feet? He sells 17,000,000 new copies every single year, so he can afford it. Books coming out of his ears. Pulling titles out his arse. Got Clive Barker’s latest effort on my desk, Mister B. Gone. The gimmick is that the actual book itself is possessed by a demon. Majestically produced, but 1.5 line-spaced and slash marks ( ------- ) longer than I’ve ever seen. How do you do them slashes, by the way? Different authors have different ways of doing them, but I prefer yours. I know you can’t do them in blogger, but in hard copy I’ve seen them and they are just the right length with no gaps in. I am curious about that as I am upgrading from Notebook to Word for my sloppy memos. You owe me that one after I recommended the Palatino Linotype font for you.

Speak soon. Stay fit.
G.K