Of two evils choose the least – So I worship Bacchus.I was born Sebastian Worboys, and this is my favourite song on the brink of my demise. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8DwMJggG-vs Why not play it AFTER you read this? I’d appreciate it.
Who cares to know where it all started to go wrong? I know where I could have first tried to do something, and I know where I did actually try to do something, later on. But the time for forethought and action is gone. Now I lack the youth, the support, the finance, everything.
No matter who or what is to blame, aside from my dipstick fool-to-folly attitude, the fact is that I want gone. It’s almost unimportant, how things got to this. The truth is that they have. Regrettably. And I am haunted by my failures and mistakes.
I’ve not lost the ability to cope, it’s more like having lost the will to keep on coping. I could still plough on and appropriate something leaning towards relevant personal success, of course I could, but that wouldn’t be realised for a long time, if at all, and during the day-to-day meantime, all I see is barriers, obstacles, hindrances. And I’d fall, just as I have, again and again, lower and lower. I even see slight habitual annoyances potentially becoming mild episodes of psychosis. Once your thoughts are twisted, the knots tend to tighten your perceptions out of control.
All the good things I do best are only coping mechanisms in themselves. Art, writing, etc ... pointless. Born of conflict. It could be beautiful, viewed and respected, carried out there, profitable, but it won’t be, so it won’t.
Instead I’ve constructed an enemy inside my head, with my own hands, and I’ve realised, of late, that he’s here to stay. He’s me. My very own Tripwire Internal.
Chasing my tail for another how many years? No thanks. The formative years have been settled. I’d rather be tragic than sad. S.Worboys



















