Not In The Mood

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I've been staring at the screen for twenty minutes. I usually call this 'White Voiding', but my screen has a different colour glow every day, other than white. I like it this way, I change the colour of the text too, I even add a watermark and effects, we've come a long way since Etch A Sketch.

I guess you've sick and tired of hearing about my problems. I've never told them to you. I always waffle on about the surface detail. Only whistle-blowers tell the internet their personal issues. So what I rant on about addiction. That's not me. There's a lot more to me than this blog suggests. About the only time I ever got serious is when I mentioned going to Heaven, doing the Lord's work, and the dungeon underneath the floorboards of my property. All the rest is killing time.

Sorry for being a prick sometimes. Give a writer a platform and he'll make a bell end of himself. That's the usual impression I get when I'm reading other writers, God this guy's a prick, nothing to do with his typos or his moose (missus), he's just a simple rounded bell end.

I usually pride myself on being not so judgmental. I'm a Christian, right? I was sent here to see the best in people, to lift them along, to idolize compassionate thoughts. So when all the dawgs in the drug clinic skit me behind my back I turn the other cheek. Now and again it gets to you. Their personal attacks are persistent. If Adam ain't pursuing the hurt in you it's Sheila; if it's not Sheila it's Amy; if it's not someone you know it's someone new. But I always let it slide. If I reacted, someone would snitch.

I've got every one harassing me very seriously now, going for the kill. we're talking old flames, teachers, neighbours and fellow addicts. Basically every one i am aware of in the community. my torment has to be the worst in the world. I've lived an especially afflicted life. i don't like to mention it because I like standing up straight like a warrior without complaint. i don't even need a heart of ice any more. in the past, before i could deal with all my negative emotions, i mistakenly believed i needed a heart of ice (or stone) in order to stand again.

The last time I wasn't up to my mission i felt morose, why do I have to live in a time of fighting? Hasn't all the fighting throughout the globe already taken place? They have always been fighting, I saw a long list of battles and dates on a Zeitgeist video, why haven't they sorted their disputes out yet? Will there ever be an end to the fighting?

Now I feel privileged to be a part of the fray. That's a part of the fray, not a prat of the fray. Not every one has the minerals to make it this far. What else is there to do, watch Netflix all day? Would you like someone else who hasn't got a jar of glue to fight for you? Someone who would rather watch porn than put his credit at risk for the Big Man? Go and find him.

See how he faces multi-faceted hallucinations around the clock. Sorry to come across as slightly bitter. I'm not. But he might not be able to cope. And if he can't cope out here then he likely can't cope in a nuthouse. Defo not a warzone.

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